J Michaels' Daily Chuck Norris Fact

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Wednesday Feb 01, 2006

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Thursday Feb 02, 2006

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

AtoMikEnRtiA · Post by **AtoMikEnRtiA** » Thursday Feb 02, 2006

as the person who started all of this on here.. (go back a few pages of threads, its entitled "tribute to the greatest man of all time" or something like that..) your last 6 facts have been recycled..

its officially old lol

ToonaRockGuy · Post by **ToonaRockGuy** » Thursday Feb 02, 2006

Take this!

Extra long flight golf balls are filled with Chuck Norris' semen.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Friday Feb 03, 2006

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight. You will be overmatched in either case.

ToonaRockGuy · Post by **ToonaRockGuy** » Saturday Feb 04, 2006

Saturday Two-Fer!

The reason Sylvester Stallone can't speak English anymore is because he once told Chuck Norris he wished he could be like Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not approve of copycats.

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Monday Feb 06, 2006

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Craven Sound · Post by **Craven Sound** » Monday Feb 06, 2006

Random Chuck Norris animated gif, just for you.

YankeeRose · Post by **YankeeRose** » Monday Feb 06, 2006

So neat to see things like that actually play!

She deserved that pop, for wearing (IMO) an awful shirt, let alone trying to grab the wheel.

Craven Sound · Post by **Craven Sound** » Tuesday Feb 07, 2006

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table of the Elements because the only element Chuck Norris recognizes is surprise.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Tuesday Feb 07, 2006

Craven Sound wrote:Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table of the Elements because the only element Chuck Norris recognizes is surprise.

LOL! Good one!

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that is why there are no signs of life there.

Mackovyak · Post by **Mackovyak** » Tuesday Feb 07, 2006

Chuck Norris' Tears can cure cancer.......Unfortunately he's never cried.

ToonaRockGuy · Post by **ToonaRockGuy** » Tuesday Feb 07, 2006

If you look at Chuck Norris's bare back you can see a Surgeon General's Warning against the use of Chuck Norris.

ToonaRockGuy · Post by **ToonaRockGuy** » Tuesday Feb 07, 2006

Bonus fact for Tuesday:

Moose shoot themselves when they hear Chuck Norris is going hunting. On an unrelated note, Chuck hunts with his hands.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Wednesday Feb 08, 2006

ToonaRockGuy wrote:Bonus fact for Tuesday:

Moose shoot themselves when they hear Chuck Norris is going hunting. On an unrelated note, Chuck hunts with his hands.

Today's fact involves a minor correction to my good friend Toona....

Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Hunting implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Wednesday Feb 08, 2006

J Michaels wrote: Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that is why there are no signs of life there.

Continuing the theme....

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

YankeeRose · Post by **YankeeRose** » Wednesday Feb 08, 2006

Mars?

I've been to Mars,
PA, in Butler County and there's plenty of life there.

I've also had a few meals at the Venus Diner on Route 8.

ToonaRockGuy · Post by **ToonaRockGuy** » Thursday Feb 09, 2006

Today's Mr. Norris Fact:

Chuck Norris rarely has to leave his house. If he wants to go somewhere, he just tells it to "get the fuck over here".

AtoMikEnRtiA · Post by **AtoMikEnRtiA** » Thursday Feb 09, 2006

Ten for Thursday!

1) Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide

2) As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge

3) Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie"

4) Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball

5) Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

6) Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof. And he can do it with one hand

7) When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

9) Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is

10) Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. Historians have recorded this as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

onegunguitar · Post by **onegunguitar** » Sunday Feb 12, 2006

SpellboundByMetal · Post by **SpellboundByMetal** » Sunday Feb 12, 2006

thats awesome!

KMFDM ROB · Post by **KMFDM ROB** » Sunday Feb 12, 2006

When Chuck Norris is running late, Time better slow the fuck down.

Mackovyak · Post by **Mackovyak** » Monday Feb 13, 2006

Chuck Norris once ate three 72oz steaks in an hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

AtoMikEnRtiA · Post by **AtoMikEnRtiA** » Monday Feb 13, 2006

onegunguitar wrote:

That never happened!!

Thats all a big charade!!

onegunguitar · Post by **onegunguitar** » Monday Feb 13, 2006

Didn't say it happened,just thought it was funny!