J Michaels' Daily Chuck Norris Fact

AtoMikEnRtiA · Post by **AtoMikEnRtiA** » Friday Jan 20, 2006

this one.. is gonna send me to hell..

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement...

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Friday Jan 20, 2006

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Saturday Jan 21, 2006

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

no surrender · Post by **no surrender** » Saturday Jan 21, 2006

Chuck Norris couldn't kick his dog.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Sunday Jan 22, 2006

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

redawg · Post by **redawg** » Sunday Jan 22, 2006

Missing In Action is probably my favorite Chuck flick.

no surrender · Post by **no surrender** » Sunday Jan 22, 2006

Chuck Norris went a round with his Total Gym.

His Total Gym kicked his ass like, "totally!"

HurricaneBob · Post by **HurricaneBob** » Monday Jan 23, 2006

Conan VS Chuck!

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=15312

the herald · Post by **the herald** » Monday Jan 23, 2006

cool....at first i thought you meant conan the barbarian! now that would kick ass! lets see chuck kick conans sword out of his hand!

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Monday Jan 23, 2006

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Tuesday Jan 24, 2006

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

ToonaRockGuy · Post by **ToonaRockGuy** » Tuesday Jan 24, 2006

Chuck Norris invented the internet. When a group of computer geeks said it was their invention, Chuck went to destroy their hometown. What he found was weapons of mass destruction, which he used to destroy the land of the geeks. He named it "Iraq", because he forgot how to spell "I rock".

Chuck Norris was the original Master of the Universe until He-Man drugged him and stole his sword. Chuck Norris retaliated by raping She-ra with He-Man's dead carcass.

After giggling one too many times, Chuck Norris round house kicked the Pillsbury Dough Boy into an oven, watched him as he was being cooked, then poked his own belly and said "who's laughing now?"

no surrender · Post by **no surrender** » Wednesday Jan 25, 2006

chuck norris has such a wicked right hand...

he went to pick his nose and gave himself brain damage!

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Wednesday Jan 25, 2006

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.

AtoMikEnRtiA · Post by **AtoMikEnRtiA** » Thursday Jan 26, 2006

It's Two'fer Thursday!!!

Chuck Norris' wife once burned their turkey one thanksgiving. Distraught she began to cry in fear of a roundhouse kick.. Chuck replied with "dont worry about it, honey" and proceeded to step out into his backyard. 5 minutes later he returned with a live turkey.. he then ate it live and whole.. threw it up 5 minutes later and it was cooked perfectly and came with cranberry sauce. Amazed, his wife asked how he did that - to that, he roundhouse kicked her and said "Never question Chuck Norris."

Angered one day that he was denied a Bacon McMuffin at 10:35 AM. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a McDonalds so hard that it became a KFC

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Friday Jan 27, 2006

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Don Hughes · Post by **Don Hughes** » Friday Jan 27, 2006

Chuck Norris CAN smell what the Rock is cookin!

I love that website!

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

AtoMikEnRtiA · Post by **AtoMikEnRtiA** » Friday Jan 27, 2006

haha this one is great!!!

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

EDIT: and a freebie since it's friday and its funny.. its a bush joke

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will fuck you up

lonewolf · Post by **lonewolf** » Friday Jan 27, 2006

In the beginning, Chuck Norris encountered Atlas, who had a bad attitude. Atlas challenged him to knock the chip off his shoulder and Chuck Norris roundhoused the Earth from Atlas's shoulders into orbit around the sun.

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Saturday Jan 28, 2006

Burgi's Roundhouse was originally called Chuck Norris' Roundhouse. They had to change it because even the name was caving in people's foreheads.-------->JMS

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Monday Jan 30, 2006

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

AtoMikEnRtiA · Post by **AtoMikEnRtiA** » Monday Jan 30, 2006

J Michaels wrote:Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

boooo recycled facts...

ToonaRockGuy · Post by **ToonaRockGuy** » Monday Jan 30, 2006

Every morning for breakfast, Chuck Norris eats 2 eggs, 2 pieces of white toast, a Vietnamese toddler and a glass of orange juice.

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Tuesday Jan 31, 2006

AtoMikEnRtiA wrote:
J Michaels wrote:Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
boooo recycled facts...

???

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

A. Bunker · Post by **A. Bunker** » Tuesday Jan 31, 2006

Chuck Norris got nothin' on Audie Murphy, General McArthur, and President Nixon. Now there's a group of real tough men