Blumpkin

[DMFJ03]

I know that - I was just giving you a hard time, that's all.

[esa]

DMFJ, I realize this is a stupid question/statement, but I'm "saying" it any way! You really ARE that perverted, aren't you...that is, to think that _I_ was hitting on YOU? Dear boy, last thought on my mind. In other words - no, I don't "want your hot body", I was just having some good, clean, - er, well, I don't know about "good" or "clean", but I'm having fun just the same! By "everyone's in the loop", I meant all Genders, not all people. I would think you MORE than have your hands, et cetera, full with Esa AND Dan to even let THAT thought cross your mind!

Hey! You forgot about Tom! He's almost as bad as I am but worse than Dan. At least Dan doesn't complain that much about his jaw hurting on trips to the shows....

Also...what are you saying about me? I'm good! I don't do 'nothin'. I'm quiet!

And lastly, let him down gently since you're not "after" him. Last time he was told he wasn't wanted, he broke his aviator shades and knocked some little old lady over with his 30 inch pythons...

[YankeeRose]

Okay Esa, but "gently"? While I despise pain, what's the fun in "gently"? He has 30 Inch Pythons, you say? Cool...I rather like snakes - my oldest son will be 21 later this year and while he was a Cub Scout, at an outing, I got up close and personal with several species...fascinating creatures! Nothing of Nature scares me, only certain humans do.

[Staceman]

Say goodnight, Gracie.

[YankeeRose]

Staceman, there's nobody here by the name "Gracie". Even if there were, WHY should she do anything you tell her to? Who died and made you boss? Besides, it was afternoon and you were telling her to "say good night"??? Were you confused with the time of day or something? If "Gracie" were real and anything like me, she would be just getting into the swing of things 'round midnight, any way! BTW, I'm well versed in "Burns and Allen", so "SAY GOOD NIGHT, Staceman"!

[HurricaneBob]

Okay Esa, but "gently"? While I despise pain, what's the fun in "gently"? He has 30 Inch Pythons, you say? Cool...I rather like snakes - my oldest son will be 21 later this year and while he was a Cub Scout, at an outing, I got up close and personal with several species...fascinating creatures! Nothing of Nature scares me, only certain humans do.

The 30 inch pythons were refering to his arms, not snakes.
Hence the Say Goodnight Gracie, you dont have a clue do you Yankee?
Sounds like Rosanna Rosannadanna!

[YankeeRose]

Oh man, _I_ don't have a clue, HA! 1. I happen to know DMFJ does NOT have or use "Pythons", i.e. snakes, on stage, Einstein! (I guess I'll have to "dumb down" my attempts at humor...it's apparently too hard for SOME to understand.) 2. My son was really in Cub Scouts and I do like Snakes. 3. DMFJ is young enough to be my son and I was trying to "gently" let him know that. SHEESH! As Roseanne Roseannadanna would say, "It just goes to show you, it's always something, if it's not one thing, it's another!" Say good night, Hurricane!

[HurricaneBob]

[YankeeRose]

Hurricane, "back atcha"! Ahhhhh, "feel the love"! Thanks for the great pic and the LsOL!

[HurricaneBob]

ROFL!

[DMFJ03]

I still don't know why I am being brought up in the conversation. I'm young, you're older, big deal. Why are we still hung up on that fact?

[no surrender]

I heard about a frat party from one of the cardio bunnies I slammed last week. She called me up and said I should come if I get a chance. After another grueling workout, I decide to take Mitch along with me.

We walk into the frat house, and it’s exactly what I expected. 135 pounders in Abercrombie t-shirts... Pathetic. I walk through the crowd in my aviators and beater, pushing guys at the party out of the way to establish Alpha dominance. We head into the kitchen, where one frat boy is making mixed drinks for a few hotties.

“Blender belongs to me now” I snarl at him, dump out the contents and begin to make my patented Mega Shake. Eight scoops of N-Large2, a jar of natty peanut butter, and 2 bananas all blended with lowfat milk. I blend up my mix, toast Mitch and drink.

Apparently not all party participants liked the fact that Mitch and I had stolen the blender. One girl had brought the "bouncer" over.

Bouncer: What’s going on over here?

Mitch: <Taking off his aviators.> We got a situation here boss, looks like 19 inch pythons on this guy.

I take off my aviators to get a better look.

Me: <Giggling> Fatceps.

I notice a tattoo on the bouncer’s arm, "Big Daddy" it says.

Me: Big Daddy?

Bouncer: <Pissed off> Bigger than you.

Me: Maybe so, chief. But I’m swoler.

I reach into my bag and get out my body fat calipers.

Bouncer: Man, get those things away from me!

Me: <Grinning> Aw, come on, let's see how much fat there is on those fatceps of yours.

Bouncer: <Crying> Fuck you man, leave me alone! <He runs out of the room while I explode into laughter.>

After about 20 more minutes of lat flaring around the party, I realize I have to take a huge shit. That Mega Shake wasn’t sitting too well. I head into the bathroom with the newspaper. (I knew it was gonna be a messy struggle.) A few minutes later, some drunk girl comes into the bathroom.

Drunk girl: Hi, ummm, I just wanted to say that you are really sexy and ummm…

Me: Get the fuck out? I’m trying to shit in peace here.

Drunk girl: Well, ummm, could I give you a blumpkin?

Me: What the fuck is a blumpkin?

Drunk girl: Well, it's when you give someone head while they are taking a shit. <I look her up and down. Decent sized tits and a good face.>

Me: Yeah why not. Just don’t use your fucking teeth. <I continue to read the paper while she blows me. She ended up swallowing every last drop.>

Drunk girl: Was it good?

Me: Not bad. I’d give it a C+. <Drunk girl lays down and passes out. I realize there is no toilet paper. So I take drunk girl’s shirt and wipe my ass with it and walk out.>

Me: Nice knowin’ ya, sweetie.

I decide to find Mitch so we can go home. On the way I run into two frat boys.

FB1: Excuse me? Do you think you could give us some weightlifting tips? I mean we don’t want to get huge or anything, just Brad Pitt in fight Club, you know? Any pointers?

I felt the rage boiling up inside of me, but kept my cool. I decided not to punch them out (No need to go back to prison). I bang on the door Mitch is in.

Me: Let’s fucking go, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep.

Mitch: I got this bitch licking my nuts right now!

Me: Hurry up and nut in her face so we can go home. I’ll start the car.

I walk outside to my beamer. I look at the car next to me, and Bouncer is in it, crying. Not only that, but he was driving a Jetta. I’m sorry, but if you are a bodybuilder you cannot drive a Volkswagen. You could be Ronnie Fuckin’ Coleman and you would get no respect from me if you are tooling around in a golf cart. The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.

I lit up a cigar and waited for Mitch to emerge. “Blumpkin,” I thought to myself, smiling. “Woof, sometimes you even impress yourself.”

rofl! rofl! rofl!!!!!!!!! hahhahhahhahhaaaaa

[esa]

I still don't know why I am being brought up in the conversation. I'm young, you're older, big deal. Why are we still hung up on that fact?

::smacks you:: Okay...enough. You're not allowed to hit on the old ladies anymore. ::grins::


So, how 'bout them beans?