~*~ Music Jokes ~*~

[esa]

If you have any...feel free. I just saw this one this morning and it made me giggle.


The Top 10 Reasons That Billy Joel and Elton John Should Not
Tour Together

10) Elton was always coming up in drag during "Uptown Girl"
part of the show.

9) Nightly argument over who the real Piano Man was.

Possibility of confusion over who got what in the joint
Viagra/Biagra shipment.

7) Too many guest appearance possibilities by RuPaul.

6) Too many times, Elton kept whispering "Can You Feel The
Love Tonight" to the roadies.

5) Too much money being spent on cleaning lipstick off of
the piano keys before Billy performed.

4) Caught Elton writing another Candle In The Wind version
.... about him!

3) Costume changes were getting annoying.

2) Audience might get confused and start singing.."Cause
we're living here in Eltontown!"

1) Isn't it obvious...VH1 would lose 90% of its viewers on
those tour nights!

[tonefight]

My Favorite musicians joke is : What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend : homeless

Runner up : Did you hear about the bass player that walked past the bar ? Me neither

[tornandfrayed]

Phil Collins told this at a Grammy show backstage,

"What do they call a guy who hangs out with Bands?

the Drummer!"

[daveb]

What happened when the bass player locked his keys in his car?

It took to hours to get the drummer out!
__________________________________________________________

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100...one to do it and 99 to say "I could have done that better"
________________________________________________________

This one came from Sting

What has three legs and a c*nt?

A drum throne.


Check out www.projecttwelve34.com for other useless crap. NEW!! Iraqi photo shop fun with my new CD.
___________

[esa]

What's the difference between a bass player and a pizza? At least the pizza can feed a family of four...

[WakeUpScreamingBass]

What separates roadies from the homeless?

The laminates.

[songsmith]

This is my all-time favorite, from Bobby Hurricane:


What does a stripper do with her *sshole before she goes onstage?
Drops him off at band practice.

-------------->JMS

[tom]

How do you get the drummer off of your front porch??????

Pay him for the Pizza.

[FatVin]

This is one of my favorites

How do you get a guitar player to turn his amp down?

put a chart in front of him

[WakeUpScreamingBass]

The most intelligent joke a bassist ever told: "Ok, you're riding down the hill in a 3 wheeled canoe, so how many hamburgers does it take to fill a dog house? 3, because there's no bones in ice cream."

[WitchChic]

Ok everyone already told all the ones I knew cept this one and I hope noone post it b4 I get mine up,lol....

How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb????

Just one cuz the whole world revolves around him...


hehe

[songsmith]

How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.----->JMS

[DMFJ03]

You all wanna hear a joke?

MetalRules.

Muwhaha!

[Banned]

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.

Okay, everyone who took a joke from the Emily's Toybox joke page, raise their hand. ::raises hand::

[HurricaneBob]

LOL songsmith, i forgot about that one!

Do you know why drummers have 2% more brains than horses?

So they dont shit on the road during a parade!

[WakeUpScreamingBass]

:: hand raised :: ( they have an awesome list of jokes.. )

[esa]

Actually, I remember sitting with Jae and hearing a whole slue of band jokes dissing singers, guitarists, and bassists. I can't remember any but the pizza joke. Jae, this is your cue to add them in there.
However, the roady joke made me giggle. That is so true. lol.

I want a laminate!

[esa]

The Top 10 Signs That You Enjoyed The Music of the 80's A
Little Too Much

10) Your men's jogging group is called Dexy's Midnight
Runners.

9) Most people call them Cops; You call them Der Kommissar.

You were genuinely saddened by the loss of Falco earlier
this year.

7) You have spent part of an evening wondering whatever
happened to the Mary Jane Girls.

6) You go to your favorite bar and order a Funky Cold Medina.

5) You dream of a comeback tour involving Winger, Poison,
Skid Row and Whitesnake.

4) You still get an erection everytime you hear the words
"Debbie Gibson."

3) Even though Paula Cole refuses to shave her pits, you
believe that Joan Jett could still whip her ass.

2) You catch a sexually transmitted disease that gives you
burning sensation when you pee and you immediately name
it "St. Elmo's Fire."

1) You've been caught dancing in a grocery store aisle while
lip syncing to something by Rick Astley over the store's
muzak stereo system.

[esa]

So the thing at the cancer benefit that cracked me up the most? Most of us in there were smoking. So...here's to all of us dedicated smokers.

Top Reasons to Keep Smoking


10. That lighter comes in handy for birthday candles.

9. Your ex-spouse wanted you to quit and you won't give him/her the satisfaction.

8. The occasional holes in your clothes give you a needed excuse to shop

7. Philip Morris needs that money more than you do.

6. Those extra wrinkles give you that "mature" look.

5. The smell on your coat makes it easy to pick it out of a pile at a party.

4. If not for the smoking you'd be perfect, and nobody likes a perfect person.

3. If your sense of smell came back you'd have to do something about that litter box.

2. You wouldn't get any exercise at all if you didn't run outside the building every hour for a cigarette.

1. That rattle when you breathe reassures you that you're still alive.