Add'm if you got'm!
How does a guitarist get a handicapped spot?
Put a set of drumsticks on your dash.
How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
Put music in front of him.
and last but not least, the well known...
Three musicians and a drummer walk into a bar...
Musician Jokes
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Colton
- Diamond Member
- Posts: 1977
- Joined: Sunday Feb 09, 2003
- Location: Almost level with the ground.
- Contact:
Musician Jokes
Laugh if you want to, really is kinda funny, 'cause the world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.
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felix'apprentice
- Platinum Member
- Posts: 776
- Joined: Sunday Nov 23, 2008
- Location: A little to the left of no where.
- Contact:
... FENDER ... -
DirtySanchez
- Diamond Member
- Posts: 4186
- Joined: Tuesday Feb 14, 2006
- Location: On teh internetz
- Contact:
After the show the drummer picked a hot chick out and took her back to the room. When they were undressing he noticed a tattoo on her leg.
"What's that?", he said.
"My ex-boyfriend was a tattoo artist and he gave me an interactive tattoo of a sea shell.", she said.
"What's an interactive tattoo??",he said.
She replied," He said if you hold it up to your ear you can smell the ocean."
"What's that?", he said.
"My ex-boyfriend was a tattoo artist and he gave me an interactive tattoo of a sea shell.", she said.
"What's an interactive tattoo??",he said.
She replied," He said if you hold it up to your ear you can smell the ocean."
"Proud endorser of Saluda cymbals"
http://www.saludacymbals.com/c/bfogelsonger.php
"Growing old is mandatory,, Growing up is optional!"
http://www.saludacymbals.com/c/bfogelsonger.php
"Growing old is mandatory,, Growing up is optional!"
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KyleMayket
- Platinum Member
- Posts: 563
- Joined: Friday Feb 15, 2008
- Location: Johnstown,PA
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soundman8199
- Gold Member
- Posts: 157
- Joined: Monday Dec 20, 2004
- Location: Cresson, PA
- Contact:
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mistikalvalkrie
- Gold Member
- Posts: 308
- Joined: Thursday Apr 12, 2007
- Location: Altoona...with the rest of the wierds
- Contact:
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Mistress_DB
- Platinum Member
- Posts: 606
- Joined: Sunday Jan 23, 2005
- Location: In dire need of a spanking
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car? Took 2 hours to get the drummer out.
What does a stripper do to her asshole before she goes to work? Drops him off at band practice.
How do you know the drum riser is level? Drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
What does a stripper do to her asshole before she goes to work? Drops him off at band practice.
How do you know the drum riser is level? Drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
The person below me enjoys a good spanking.
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lonewolf
- Diamond Member
- Posts: 6249
- Joined: Thursday Sep 25, 2003
- Location: Anywhere, Earth
- Contact:
1st dude: 'Did you hear Neil Young will be at that Jazz Festival next week?
2nd dude: 'No I didn't. I hope he gets good seats'
thud ...
A chick singer is always calling tunes in strange
keys. One day during a rehearsal the piano player in
the band has had enough:
Pianist: Why the heck do you want to sing the tune in
D? Why not take it up a semitone and do it in Eb?
Singer: Eb? Isn't that too fast?
thud ...
What is the difference between a chick singer and a
Porsche?
Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.
thud ...
Why is the ideal chick singer only three feet tall?
Because she is the perfect height for the band to rest
their beer glasses on top of her head.
thud ...
What is the difference between a vocalist and a
terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
thud ...
What do a vocalist and a terrorist have in common?
They both blow bridges.
thud ...thud ...
Why is a bad singer like a bomb?
Because when you hear it it's too late.
thud ...
There are a hundred chick singers buried up to their
necks in sand. Why?
There wasn't enough sand!
thud ...
Why do singers never say anything bad about musicians?
Because they're too busy talking about themselves.
thud ...
How do you know there's a girl singer as a patient on
the intensive care unit?
She's the only one that asks for more echo on the
monitor.
thud ...thud ...
Musician: How's your singing career coming on?
Singer: Great! Lately I've been concentrating on songs
from the Southern states of America. My audience seems
to prefer them.
Musician: How do you know they prefer songs from the
South?
Singer: They're always putting cotton in their ears!
thud ...
How many country and western singers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Ten. One to do it, and nine to sing about how good the
old one was.
thud ...
Singer: So, what do you think of my singing?
Band leader: It could be worse.
Singer: That's not a very nice thing to say.
Band leader: Okay, it couldn't be worse.
thud ...
What do you say when a chick singer reaches the stage?
The chain is too long.
thud ...
Why do chick singers always leave all the doors open?
So they can come in when they like.
thud ...
What is the difference between a singer and a grand
piano?
About a semitone.
thud ...thud ...thud ...thud ...
What do you call a female singer with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
thud ...
What do you do when a singer comes begging on her
knees?
Shoot her again.
thud ...
What does a singer do when she opens the fridge in the
morning?
She takes a bow.
thud ...
A band leader tells a chick singer 'Don't believe
people when they tell you that you can't sing shit,
because you can.'
thud ...
What's the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?
Lipstick.
thud ...
What's the difference between a soprano and a pit
bull?
Jewelry.
thud ...
What's the difference between a puppy and a
singer-songwriter?
Eventually the puppy stops whining.
thud ...
2nd dude: 'No I didn't. I hope he gets good seats'
thud ...
A chick singer is always calling tunes in strange
keys. One day during a rehearsal the piano player in
the band has had enough:
Pianist: Why the heck do you want to sing the tune in
D? Why not take it up a semitone and do it in Eb?
Singer: Eb? Isn't that too fast?
thud ...
What is the difference between a chick singer and a
Porsche?
Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.
thud ...
Why is the ideal chick singer only three feet tall?
Because she is the perfect height for the band to rest
their beer glasses on top of her head.
thud ...
What is the difference between a vocalist and a
terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
thud ...
What do a vocalist and a terrorist have in common?
They both blow bridges.
thud ...thud ...
Why is a bad singer like a bomb?
Because when you hear it it's too late.
thud ...
There are a hundred chick singers buried up to their
necks in sand. Why?
There wasn't enough sand!
thud ...
Why do singers never say anything bad about musicians?
Because they're too busy talking about themselves.
thud ...
How do you know there's a girl singer as a patient on
the intensive care unit?
She's the only one that asks for more echo on the
monitor.
thud ...thud ...
Musician: How's your singing career coming on?
Singer: Great! Lately I've been concentrating on songs
from the Southern states of America. My audience seems
to prefer them.
Musician: How do you know they prefer songs from the
South?
Singer: They're always putting cotton in their ears!
thud ...
How many country and western singers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Ten. One to do it, and nine to sing about how good the
old one was.
thud ...
Singer: So, what do you think of my singing?
Band leader: It could be worse.
Singer: That's not a very nice thing to say.
Band leader: Okay, it couldn't be worse.
thud ...
What do you say when a chick singer reaches the stage?
The chain is too long.
thud ...
Why do chick singers always leave all the doors open?
So they can come in when they like.
thud ...
What is the difference between a singer and a grand
piano?
About a semitone.
thud ...thud ...thud ...thud ...
What do you call a female singer with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
thud ...
What do you do when a singer comes begging on her
knees?
Shoot her again.
thud ...
What does a singer do when she opens the fridge in the
morning?
She takes a bow.
thud ...
A band leader tells a chick singer 'Don't believe
people when they tell you that you can't sing shit,
because you can.'
thud ...
What's the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?
Lipstick.
thud ...
What's the difference between a soprano and a pit
bull?
Jewelry.
thud ...
What's the difference between a puppy and a
singer-songwriter?
Eventually the puppy stops whining.
thud ...
Last edited by lonewolf on Thursday Feb 12, 2009, edited 2 times in total.
...Oh, the freedom of the day that yielded to no rule or time...
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Q: What's the difference between a bull and a band?
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"
Q: What do bassist use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.
Q: What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: How does a drummers brain cell die?
A: Alone.
Two drummers walk past a bar...
Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
Q: How are Jake Williams and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend.
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: The can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Q: How do you get two bass players to play in unison?
A: Hand them charts a half-step apart.
Q: What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and Jake Williams in the road?
A: There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.
Q: Why can't front-men have colostomies?
A: Because they can't find shoes to match the bag.
Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding drummer running around in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing and shoot again.
Q: What's the perfect weight of a conductor?
A: Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.
Q: What do all great musicians have in common?
A: They're all dead
Q: What do you do if you run over a bass player?
A: Back up.
Q: How do you reduce wind-drag on a singer's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof
Q: How do you get a drummer out of a tree?
A: Cut the noose
Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: His amp.
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: None, they have machines for that now.
Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says before he gets kicked out of a band?
A: "When do we get to play MY songs?"
Q: What's the difference between Jake Williams and a vacumn cleaner?
A: You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.
Q: What do you call a musician with a college degree?
A: Night manager at McDonalds
Q: How do you know when a drummer is at your door ?
A: He speeds up when hes knocking
Q: How many guitar players does it to take to change a lightbulb?
A: 5 .... One to change and 4 to say they could have done it better
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
The 1st week the father asked him what he had learned
The son said "On my 1st lesson we learned about the E string"
The 2nd week came and after the lesson the father asked what had he learned that week
The son said "On my 2nd lesson I learned about the A string"
3rd week came by and the father said to his son "You know these are expensive lessons what have you learned this week"
The son said "I quit the lessons I already got a gig"
Q: What's the difference between a bull and a band?
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"
Q: What do bassist use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.
Q: What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: How does a drummers brain cell die?
A: Alone.
Two drummers walk past a bar...
Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
Q: How are Jake Williams and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend.
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: The can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Q: How do you get two bass players to play in unison?
A: Hand them charts a half-step apart.
Q: What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and Jake Williams in the road?
A: There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.
Q: Why can't front-men have colostomies?
A: Because they can't find shoes to match the bag.
Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding drummer running around in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing and shoot again.
Q: What's the perfect weight of a conductor?
A: Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.
Q: What do all great musicians have in common?
A: They're all dead
Q: What do you do if you run over a bass player?
A: Back up.
Q: How do you reduce wind-drag on a singer's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof
Q: How do you get a drummer out of a tree?
A: Cut the noose
Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: His amp.
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: None, they have machines for that now.
Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says before he gets kicked out of a band?
A: "When do we get to play MY songs?"
Q: What's the difference between Jake Williams and a vacumn cleaner?
A: You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.
Q: What do you call a musician with a college degree?
A: Night manager at McDonalds
Q: How do you know when a drummer is at your door ?
A: He speeds up when hes knocking
Q: How many guitar players does it to take to change a lightbulb?
A: 5 .... One to change and 4 to say they could have done it better
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
The 1st week the father asked him what he had learned
The son said "On my 1st lesson we learned about the E string"
The 2nd week came and after the lesson the father asked what had he learned that week
The son said "On my 2nd lesson I learned about the A string"
3rd week came by and the father said to his son "You know these are expensive lessons what have you learned this week"
The son said "I quit the lessons I already got a gig"
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The Shadow
- Gold Member
- Posts: 463
- Joined: Tuesday Aug 22, 2006
What's the difference between a musician and a 401k? Eventually, the 401k matures and starts making money.
Terrorists have kidnapped 1000 banjo-players. They say that unless their demands are met, they're going to release one every hour.
How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the piano player can do it with his left hand.--->JMS
Terrorists have kidnapped 1000 banjo-players. They say that unless their demands are met, they're going to release one every hour.
How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the piano player can do it with his left hand.--->JMS