Drunken Karaoke?

[songsmith]

Okay, I played my first solo acoustic gig in over 10 years on Friday. I practiced my ass off, spent lots of time getting the old PA system back in running order, loaded in by myself, set up by myself. I got there at 5pm got it all set, and ran through 2 songs to brush the cobwebs away. It went straight downhill from there.
Oh, I sounded okay, better than I expected. Bar management was cool. I got paid the specified amount. It started when I went back to the club, twenty minutes before showtime.
A forty-something barfly, we'll call her Nasty-Sue, was on me like stink on sh*t when I walked in. "Where the hell have you been? I've been here since 5 o'clock!" I checked my Timex... yep, I was 20 minutes early, and tuned up and ready to go. I asked her to check the sign out front, start time was listed there. Ten pm, not 5pm. She balled a fist, and motioned as if she'd use it. I calmly told her that while I would never, ever hit a woman, I would not hesitate to hit one BACK. Just at that instant, the barmaid asked when I'd be going on. Ten pm, I said. Nasty Sue stormed away, apparently convinced that I bear a strong resemblance to the human rectum. I didn't care, as long as she kept her distance. She didn't.
By the third song, she was standing at my microphone, caterwauling the lyrics (sort of) to "Peaceful Easy Feeling." I took that opportunity to simply let her hang herself, and stepped away from her.
When she didn't know the lyrics to the verses, she looked to me for help. It's all you, baby. "Where are we?" The music stand, dumbass, can't you read? "Yeah, where at on the page?" Jeez, this is harder than it looks, isn't it? She slinked back to her boyfriend, then left quickly when her HUSBAND showed up to collect her! I found out later that she has, indeed hit guys there, and that she's on anxiety meds that aren't supposed to be mixed with booze. Tough sh*t, that's no excuse.
Anyway, several more "singers" seemed to think I was acoustic karaoke, and didn't bother to ask if they could sit in, they just pushed me away from the mic. All of them were just beyond horrible singers.
Is this what people do now? If so, I'm going to have to get work digging ditches or slinging fries or something, because dealing with the wackos is too much for one guy.
I've already ordered a headset microphone... I prefer a SM-58 to anything else, but if that's what I have to use to keep from having unwanted guests, so be it. Steve Summerhill warned me that would be in my best interest anyway. The original idea was for MUSICIANS to sit in, which is something I really enjoy, and there are lots of great players around. Unfortunately, there were no local pro's there.(don't be bashful, come sit in!)
So how do you guys keep the reins? This wasn't an issue when I played in the pre-karaoke days, and I don't want to piss EVERYBODY off.---->JMS

[Imgrimm01]

My friend this is one of my biggest pet peeves.. Everyone is a guitar player or singer on Sat. night... yeah right!!! I mean I don't go to the local logging yard where these people prob. work and try to use their chain saw SO leave me alone!! I do try to be respectful because the fans are the reason we're there BUT too far is TOO FAR.. I will also get the occasional member of another band who may be off that weekend coming up to belt something out this is another story They are misicians who do what I do BUT usually they're drunk and so that doesn't sit so well with me either. Don't get me wrong I love to jam with other musicians but I think it should be planned or atleast organized ahead of time. I feel for ya pal I hope this gets better for you.

[bassist_25]

I don't know John, I've read a lot of your stories at rock page and I've come to the conclusion that you should write an autobiography with all of your musical anecdotes in it. I would buy it. It could be a reading requirement at Berklee in their "Intro to the music biz 101" class.

[songsmith]

Bassist, I seem to attract weirdo's like moths to a flame. It makes for some good stories, but damn! I've always tried to be a nice guy, particularly with fans, but being nice just seems to encourage them, and being a prick doesn't work either. I wonder how guys like BadDazeRob, who encourage maximum crowd participation, how they keep control of what goes on. How 'bout it Rob?---->JMS

[Banned]

Give 'em the old "dummy mic" trick. We encourage people to come on stage with us and sing all the time, but I try to direct them as much as possible away from the lead singer to my own mic. My mic is turned off in the mix when I'M singing into it, let alone when 5 drunks are drooling on it. They can never tell that they are singing into a dead channel anyway.

Maybe go with a headset for yourself, and put up a separate mic for everybody else. Leave that channel off until you know you have a decent singer at it.

[Craven Sound]

Oh, you thought you were off, eh? Well, I'll have to remember that on Friday and turn you up even more!
Anyway, we call them placebo mics. They work great for that drummer who has bad aim, and you just know he's going to ruin one of your Sennheisers.

[songsmith]

Hmmm, that just might work... I don't have a seperate monitor mix at this point (not necessary in tiny rooms, I just listen to the mains) but that just may be the ticket. Too bad I just tossed an old mic, it would make a good prop... I'll look for one here at work. One guy did indeed break a mic stand on Friday, so stuff does get broken... I'll leave the real mic in the case until actual talent shows up. I should get one of those big plastic mics with the spring inside that little kids sing into, and it makes them sound all 'verby... you wanna sing, sing into that! --->JMS

[bassist_25]

Bassist, I seem to attract weirdo's like moths to a flame. It makes for some good stories, but damn!

Whenever I go on break, I always seem to get the guys who "played in a band 20 years ago" . The band was always "awesome" even though no one can recognize their name and they never made it past the garage.

[BDR]

Johnny, it can be hard sometimes to control uninvited participants, but I have no problem dragging drunken assholes off the stage. I've done it and never missed a lyric. While performing, I'm constantly aware of the location of really drunk people, their drinks and our equipment. In most cases, if I physically "urge" someone to leave the stage area, they comply. Outside of that, I can most times get a security guy in the picture. This is different in an acoustic setting, granted, but in most cases, a drunk person is no match for a sober one. When inviting people onstage, I try to limit that to, well, you know, hot chicks...lol. But even they, mixed with too much alcohol, can be problematic. Good luck, bro.

r:>)

[Jim Price]

I'll be posting a full review of this in "JP's Corner" shortly, but a few weeks ago I saw an acoustic duo in Hollidaysburg dealing with a similar situation. They were doing their thing onstage, while a group of rowdy middle-aged drunks sitting in the booth behind me discovered they could out-sing the performers onstage whenever their requests weren't immediately honored. At first the two performers laughed along with it, but by the end of the show you could tell they were getting irritated by it. By night's end, one of the drunken women in the booth stumbled up to the stage and started yelling song titles from the duo's setlist back to her compatriots while the duo was trying to perform.

While I often agree with Fatvin's frequent comment that karaoke machines are a tool of Satan, if karaoke machines can lure drunken singer wannabees like these away from interfering with legitimate live music performers, everyone would be better off!

[tonefight]

I don't know, my wife and I had previously played in bands but have been doing only acoustic for about the last 3 years at least. I think we have run into more hassel and problems doing acoustic than we have in bands, one night even ended in a trip to the magistrate (luckily he saw things in my favor). There is never any security and it just doesn't seam like you are taken as seriously as in a full band situation. We had scaled down to just 1 place 1 time a month for the past year and I actually just cancelled it last week. We are definatly looking forward to getting a full band back together. i myself had 1 too many acoustic gigs

[Craven Sound]

I actually had the misfortune of having a drunk soundguy trying to sit-in on the mixer. What an annoying and frustrating time that was. He kept telling me what other equipment I needed, how much better his system was, and that I should go to some club and check his stuff out. I got so pissed, I said, "what would you do different", and I stepped back. He tweaked two knobs and gave me a look of "damn I'm a sound god." At the end of the night, I asked him what he charged to take his rig out, and he gave me an astronomically low price. I told him he was too cheap and he gave me a story as if he was a sound martyr; doing sound because the music scene needs him. Sorry pal, I do sound for a couple of reasons: A- I have some friends in the band, and they are fun to hang with; B- I have a family, mortgage, etc., and I supplement my daily job with it. What ever happened to the law of not serving the intoxicated?

[songsmith]

Man, that's got to be the worst. I've never really dealt with that, either we ran sound from the stage, or we had a soundguy back at the board, or I worked for a pro company who didn't do bar gigs. Any way you slice it, I'm very protective of the gear, like a lot of guys. Many of us know a local soundman who popped a guy on the forehead with a hammer for doing something like that! I don't think I'd go that far myself, but the thought has played in my mind a few times...
I'm going to try the placebo mic thing this weekend, as well as a headset mic. That seems like good advice. I kinda feel like I'm getting boned on the whole situation, I'm all about paying dues, and I've payed plenty over 20 years, but obviously I still owe on that balance. It's just frustrating. I'm trying to convince myself that it's just an ego thing, that I mistakenly think I deserve better, but hey, you're only as good as your last gig.
My wife is finishing up college, and I need the money right now, so quitting isn't really an option... maybe I'll put a band together, who knows. I'm just glad I didn't go the duo/trio route... those guys would be PISSED at me ! -------->JMS

[lonewolf]

I've already ordered a headset microphone... I prefer a SM-58 to anything else, but if that's what I have to use to keep from having unwanted guests, so be it.

Don't think that a headset will stop them. This one woman came up while I was jamming and put her face right into mine and started belching the words at my headset. It probably looked like she was planting one on me. At least she wasn't bad looking...

[HurricaneBob]

I feel for ya Johnny so i went to Blair sign and had this made for you....



Good luck man, dont give up because of some drunks..

[songsmith]

That's freakin' brilliant! I'm gonna do it up in MSWord, print it out and tape it to the front of my music stand! Thanks... BTW, look for me soon on a Sunday night at the Hitching Post... been hearing good things about your gigs there.----->JMS

[tonefight]

Oh Yeah and lets not forget, If you play at that place in hollidaysburg that gives you a 3' x 5' stage area including the jukebox and expects you to let drunks come up on break and play the jukebox even though you have a perfectly good Stevie Ray Cd playing through your Pa don't put duct tape over the money slot on the jukebox because they will kick you out. Don't worry about the drunks spilling beer on your guitar or anything because the customers still need access to the jukebox on your break.

[SUperstar]

Funny... I guess when it happens you wonder.... Is it just happening to me? We should all get together and collectively put these stories down and publish a book. I hve seen some doozies through the years. But yes.... When the drunk girl wants to sing Bobby McGee... I do like songsmith said up top... let twist in the wind... They might remeber the the chorus if they can figure out where and when it comes in. Guys that think they can play the drums are the worst!!! But b/c drums are pretty durable.. I have left a few drunk assholes make public dicks of themselves. It's great! Not to shine my own bumper but I have been playing drums for over 20 years now. Your average drunk joe drummer shouldn't want to try and play after me. But let em look stupid... I will be too busy hitting on their girlfriend anyway!!!

[songsmith]

Bobby McGee... now there's a classic "I'm drunk enough to sing" kind of song. You wanna know the one that kills me? "Mercedes Benz" by Janis Joplin. How many tortured versions of that have you heard? Little hint: Ladies, you can't really sing. EVERYBODY sounds like Janis after 10 beers, 5 shooters and 2 packs of cigarettes. Plus: that song sucked to begin with. She was so much better on so many other songs. Put the mic down and put on some headphones, and listen.
Baaahh, I'm wasting my breath. It's never gonna change, I just need to adapt. Everybody drive safe this weekend.----->JMS

[Ronnyd]

I usually offer them a nice big PINK microphone to sing into!
Try to remember a lot of kindness has to come from you.Also stacking equipment in front of the stage helps ,old gear boxes etc... that they can't hurt.I laughed out loud when I saw your post.I told you you are going to be back-ground music at best.Don't wear deodorant that will keep a few more away.

[DMFJ03]

Here is a thought -- try placing a Tip jar near you. That just might be the kryptonite that you need to fend off drunk people. Maybe, you might actually get some tips, but hopefully -- it will keep those unruly people away. Just a humorous thought, but who knows...it might be crazy enough to work.

[April]

I wish I had a dollar for every time somebody wanted me to sing Bobby Magee. the request is usually accompanied by a slurred offer to "helph ya shing it". no offense to Janis but I HATE that song. It's gotten so bad that any time I hear it I leave the room just so I don't accidently learn the damn thing by mistake.
hey bar patrons, just cause we're chick singers doesn't mean we know every stevie nicks and janis joplin song ever written.

[Ron]

One word... tazer.

[RobTheDrummer]

Hey, about this whole drunken karaoke thing...the Grimm actually promotes this sort of behavior...for instance, my drunken ass girlfriend on her 21st birthday got to sing some suck upon song...It was HILLARIOUS!!

[FatVin]

I love this thread, it's so universal. Actually my favorite aren't the singers but the dancers who want to physically interpret every word of the lyrics, or are so drunk they stumble into mic stands and drum kits, and fall over monitors (I don't know how many mic clips we've had to replace over the years due to drunken people knocking them around, lol) but we don't get that much at unplugged gigs, thank god.

The thing is, we've lost something, as musicians, I mean. I remember back in the dark ages when I was a kid, if you heard some guys playing in the garage, it didn't matter if they were good or bad or what kind of music they were playing, you had to go check it out, it was like they were performing some secret sacred magical rite. We've lost that somehow. Well more correctly MTV and karaoke has stolen it from us.

We used to have a mystique, a guy who could play a guitar or a bass or the drums was automatically cool just cause he could do it. Then when you get a group of musicians playing together it was exciting to be in the same room, it didn't matter that they were your Granpa and a group of his friends slogging through country tunes that were old when they were young, it was still a thrill to be in the room while live music was being played. I remember when seeing your favorite band live was big deal, you'd wait for them to put out a new record (you remember records don't you?) and you'd save what ever money you could just to get ticket in the nose bleeds and a cheap t-shirt, the t-shirt was important cause you could wear it to school the next day and prove that you had actually been there, and being there was magic.

Where did that go? What happened to it?

Now any idiot with a hundred dollar keyboard can sample Billy Joel and any drunken fool can pick up Mr. Microphone and fancy himself the next Elvis. wanna see your favorite act just turn on VH-1 and wait.

It used to be enough to have a band that was tight, and that they played something you could dance to. Now, people expect you to be their own personal private jukebox (and or Karaoke machine) and will walk out on you just cause you don't know some obscure Lynyrd Skynyrd tune.

I don't know about you, brothers and sisters, but I want my mystique back!