Am I gay?

witchhunt · Post by **witchhunt** » Sunday Apr 20, 2008

'Am I Gay?' Male Self Examination Quiz

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah Diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

EyesOfAnguishbassist · Post by **EyesOfAnguishbassist** » Sunday Apr 20, 2008

I didn't think you were gay if you love pussy

Bag · Post by **Bag** » Monday Apr 21, 2008

I'm good except for the cat

but Charlie (Manly name!) was a gift for the wife.

Trucula · Post by **Trucula** » Monday Apr 21, 2008

'Why do I smell burnt Vasoline!!"

Barry Jibbs · Post by **Barry Jibbs** » Monday Apr 21, 2008

AH THE SOUND OF A THOUSAND CLOSETS OPENING.
CALLING PAGERS OUT LIKE THAT.

DirtySanchez · Post by **DirtySanchez** » Monday Apr 21, 2008

Love Lattes- call me

f.sciarrillo · Post by **f.sciarrillo** » Monday Apr 21, 2008

I love lattes, cappuccino's, and have a cat.... The cat is only because my daughter wanted it and they don't allow dogs in my new apartment. Man I miss my dog

Banned · Post by **Banned** » Monday Apr 21, 2008

In my world Gay means happy lighthearted. I believe that judging another person is the worst sin of all. That's stepping on some pretty big toes. I believe I will be judged by the measure I judge others. This is the hardest life lesson I had to learn. And I still don't get it all the time. Only hurting people can hurt other people. So I Love the person hate the deed..

Debbie