Okay, we've all heard the jokes about drummers...now it's time for the other band members.
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What do you call a good looking girl on a guitar player's arm?
A tattoo.
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What's the range of an electric bass?
About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.
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How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
None...they just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you do if your bassist is drowning?
Throw him his amp.
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"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"
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Why do guitarists hang picks from their rear view mirror?
So they can park in the handicap spots.
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How do you get your singer and back up singers in key?
Shoot all but one of them.
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How many frontmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They stand there and hold it and wait for the world to revolve around them.
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Why can't musicians get through the Pearly Gates to heaven?
Because they load in through the kitchen.
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What's the difference between god and a lead singer?
God knows he's not a lead singer
NON-Drummer Jokes
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ToonaRockGuy
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- Location: Altoona, behind a drumset.
NON-Drummer Jokes
Dood...
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SpellboundByMetal
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- Location: Metal HQ
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Baceman Spiff
- Diamond Member
- Posts: 1175
- Joined: Monday Feb 13, 2006
- Location: Texas Republic
This band is playing a small bar, and the bass player is really drowning his sorrows. Between sets he goes into the bathroom. Suddenly a 'blood-curdling scream rings through the bar. About 5 minutes latter a shrill scream pierces the air of the bar again. The bartender decides that he had better go see if this guy is okay. Pounding on the door he asks, "Is everything ok in there?"
"No!" says the bass player. "I'm sittin' on the john, and I tried to flush when something grabs me by the nuts! I tried again but the same thing happened! Get help!"
The bartender says, "Let me see if I can help." He opens the door and says, "You idiot! That's the mop-bucket!!"
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Johnny starting playing bass as a child, and his encouraging mother always kept his spirits high and made him proud to be a bassist. One day he came home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we did numbers, and most kids only got to ten, but I went to twenty!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.
The next day, Johnny came home saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and everyone else stopped at P, but I made it all the way to Z!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.
The next day, Johnny came home excited once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today They measured us and I'm the tallest in my class! Is that because I'm a bass player?"
"No Johnny," his Mother said, "That's because you're 28."
"No!" says the bass player. "I'm sittin' on the john, and I tried to flush when something grabs me by the nuts! I tried again but the same thing happened! Get help!"
The bartender says, "Let me see if I can help." He opens the door and says, "You idiot! That's the mop-bucket!!"
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Johnny starting playing bass as a child, and his encouraging mother always kept his spirits high and made him proud to be a bassist. One day he came home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we did numbers, and most kids only got to ten, but I went to twenty!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.
The next day, Johnny came home saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and everyone else stopped at P, but I made it all the way to Z!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.
The next day, Johnny came home excited once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today They measured us and I'm the tallest in my class! Is that because I'm a bass player?"
"No Johnny," his Mother said, "That's because you're 28."
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
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DirtySanchez
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HurricaneBob
- AA Member
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Found This on Drumbum.com
Things you'll never hear a drummer say:
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1. Yea, I was the one speeding up.
2. You guys take a break...I'll get the rest of the equipment loaded.
3. No thanks, I'd rather not play any tune that showcases any sort of interesting rhythmic twists or kicks.
4. Maybe for this song we should get a drum machine.
5. Where can I find a Hello Kitty bass drum head?
6. What's a rudiment?
7. Does this throne make my butt look big?
8. My drum solo is waaaay too long. We should cut it out and put in a guitar solo.
9. The chick singer is way too hot. She's gonna have to go!
Things you'll never hear a drummer say:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Yea, I was the one speeding up.
2. You guys take a break...I'll get the rest of the equipment loaded.
3. No thanks, I'd rather not play any tune that showcases any sort of interesting rhythmic twists or kicks.
4. Maybe for this song we should get a drum machine.
5. Where can I find a Hello Kitty bass drum head?
6. What's a rudiment?
7. Does this throne make my butt look big?
8. My drum solo is waaaay too long. We should cut it out and put in a guitar solo.
9. The chick singer is way too hot. She's gonna have to go!
"Proud endorser of Saluda cymbals"
http://www.saludacymbals.com/c/bfogelsonger.php
"Growing old is mandatory,, Growing up is optional!"
http://www.saludacymbals.com/c/bfogelsonger.php
"Growing old is mandatory,, Growing up is optional!"
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J Michaels
- Platinum Member
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- Location: Huntsville, AL
- Contact:
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
Every day at the office a guy walks up very close to a
female co-worker standing at the coffee machine,
inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't
stand it anymore. She goes to a supervisor in the
personnel department and states that she wants to file
a grievance against him for sexual harassment.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this
decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a
co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
Every day at the office a guy walks up very close to a
female co-worker standing at the coffee machine,
inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't
stand it anymore. She goes to a supervisor in the
personnel department and states that she wants to file
a grievance against him for sexual harassment.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this
decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a
co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
"Proud endorser of Saluda cymbals"
http://www.saludacymbals.com/c/bfogelsonger.php
"Growing old is mandatory,, Growing up is optional!"
http://www.saludacymbals.com/c/bfogelsonger.php
"Growing old is mandatory,, Growing up is optional!"
That has ALWAYS been my fave one and the one drummer one but I wont tell that one...Hurricane wrote:Do you know what a stripper does with her asshole before she goes on stage?
She drops him off at band practice.
How bout
How many singers does it take to screw in a light bulb???
ONE cuz the WHOLE world revolves around him... heehee
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Klamachpin
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- Location: Johnstown, PA