RAVENOUS REWRITE

Banned · Post by **Banned** » Saturday Feb 28, 2004

Arch Enemy rewrite of ravenous

V1
I SMELL the flesh of a mortal's soul
young and RAW is what I prefer best
as I CONSUME the young I leave the old
my clothing will be made from their FLESH

V2
HUNGER for you goes beyond NOURISHMENT
join me as the head on the TABLE
your body will be my MEAL and my rent
don't struggle you won't be able

CHORUS
like a CARNIVOROUS jesus
you will be my sacrificial DINNER
i will ROAST you upon the fires of hell
STARVING I want more than your MEAT
I DEVOUR souls of the weak
I am RAVENOUS

V3
I'm going to ritualistically tear you apart
your eyes which see light will soon see dark
your god who loves you will not save you
your body is now what I will consume

CHORUS
like a CARNIVOROUS jesus
you will be my sacrificial DINNER
i will ROAST you upon the fires of hell
STARVING I want more than your MEAT
I DEVOUR souls of the weak
I am RAVENOUS

TAG
your hands, tools for prayer
will be my APPETIZER
your chest, house of god and your soul
will soon be my MAIN MEAL
your legs, a symbolistic DESSERT
will no longer walk a righteous path
your feet, SCRAPS for my hell hounds

As you can see IT IS POSSIBLE TO ADD SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY to a metal song. In an hour and a half I already have DIRECTION AND SUPPORTIVE LINES added to this song. I also ADD RHYME which the original song lacks

Is this song ready. I DON'T THINK SO. I still think it will need a 2ND REWRITE and maybe A POSSIBLE 3RD

I think my V3 is still a little weak yet. However, this 2nd draft DID WHAT IT HAD TO DO SO FAR. That is GET SOME SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY in the song. This second draft already gave me GOOD DIRECTION to use in writing the third draft

The melody of the original lyric is JUST DRAGGED AROUND and NOT VERY MEMORABLE. So rewriting this lyric is NOT THAT BIG A DEAL IN TERMS OF REWRITING THE MELODY LINE

Again, DIRECTION AND SUPPORTIVE LINES are now beginning to take shape.

USE RHYME DICT AND THESAURUS ALWAYS

Punkinhead · Post by **Punkinhead** » Saturday Feb 28, 2004

I was gonna fight you more on this, but I could give a shit less now...I don't have the 10 hours a day you spend on here spouting off at your suck to fight anymore...I've got midterms and songs to write so peace....

bassist_25 · Post by **bassist_25** » Saturday Feb 28, 2004

You have to be kidding me. Those are some of the most unimaginative, cliche, boring, corny, lyrics I've ever read in my life. I'm with Phead on this though, I don't have 10 hours a day to fight over this stuff. I'll just pop in to give the occasional innane comment.

Banned · Post by **Banned** » Saturday Feb 28, 2004

People, people, people, THIS IS NOT MY IDEA.

The original lyrics of this song is MORE BORING than mine. the subject to begin with is TIRED OLD SUBJECT.

Arch enemy DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with their lyric. At least my lyric has SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY to it.

Corny, eheheheheheheh my linguistics IS NOT anything differently from theirs. So if you are saying mine is corny, then you are admiting theirs is corny.

Again, my lyric is not even finished. I have even stated a 2nd and possibly a third rewrite will be needed.

What I was showing you and attempting to do is GIVE THE SONG DIRECTION AND SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY. This first rewrite of the song accomplished that.

You have to remember that ARCH ENEMY provided the guidelines. All I am doing is showing them and you how to make their song well crafted.

To be honest, THEIR LYRICS ARE CORNY. They ooooze of just being thrown together. Hell their melody line, WHICH I STILL CAN'T REMEMBER, is DRUG AROUND BY THE LYRICS.

What I am critiquing their lyrics on is FACT. It is FACT they have NO SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY.

I personally think THE WHOLE SUBJECT IS CORNY to begin with. So what it comes down to is, CAN YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE LYRIC. I have in my rewrite. I know added SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY to their lyric.

Like it or not THE LINGUISTICS of the song IS THE SAME.