RAVENOUS LYRIC CRITIQUED

[Banned]

The lyric is too short. THere could be way more story here than there is.

Structure wise this song is odd. First verse has 4 lines. The 2nd verse has 5. The third verse has 7. This will cause problems for the listener. He will most likely feel lost in the song. He will not be able to identify song structure. NONE OF THE VERSES MATCH IN STRUCTURE. This leaves each section feeling like something new and not sounding like a verse.

Ravenous
i will be your god
carnivorous jesus
i need your flesh

That section the first time you hear it sounds like a bridge rather than a chorus. Only when you hear it for the 2nd and third time, does it start to function as a chorus section. However, like I have stated before, NONE OF THE VERSES FEEL LIKE VERSES. They all sound different due to STRUCTURE NOT BEING THE SAME.


The melody line is basically one pitch sung over and over. The tessitura doesn't change from verse to chorus. This creates a stationary melody line. However, that is PERFECT PROSODY for the mentally ill and deranged lunatic lyrics.

I would have like to see more SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY AND WORDS that would go with a RAVENOUS ( HENCE EATING) METAPHOR.

There is only a few supportive words like: HUNTING, CARNIVOROUS, CRAVE

I want to hear more words that go with EATING: HUNGER, STARVING, FOOD, SMELL, DEVOUR, CONSUME, NOURISHMENT, PROVISION, RATION, EATABLES, MEAT, DISH, PLATE, RAW, COOKED, ROAST, DIGEST, DESSERT, SUPPER, DINNER, CHEF, GOURMET, etc (there is endless possibilities) the writers only came up with basically 3?


Get my point. Anyone of those words SUPPORTS THE RAVENOUS EATING METAPHOR

The lyric is basically boring and cliche. I have heard that story done soo many times. WITHOUT THE CLEVER ELEMENT WHICH IS NOT THERE, it is just another tired subject, stated in a tired old way

[Ron]

Dude, you sound just like my English 15 professor, only much, much worse.

I have no problems drawing a great mental image from 3 well thought out words. Why do you need so many different words to describe one thing? Hopefully a Thesaurus wasn't standard issue at Berklee. Was it?

Oh... one more thing... why do you have to shout so much? Please stop shouting out every other phrase. A shout out here and there is OK, but shouting repeatedly in every post is REALLY ANNOYING!. I've seen many people banned from boards for shouting. Please adjust your posting style... it doesn't fit the rules. Hehe. I can be contradictory too.

<fine print on> I said "please"... twice. <fine print off>

[Punkinhead]

I would have like to see more SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY AND WORDS that would go with a RAVENOUS ( HENCE EATING) METAPHOR.

There is only a few supportive words like: HUNTING, CARNIVOROUS, CRAVE

I want to hear more words that go with EATING: HUNGER, STARVING, FOOD, SMELL, DEVOUR, CONSUME, NOURISHMENT, PROVISION, RATION, EATABLES, MEAT, DISH, PLATE, RAW, COOKED, ROAST, DIGEST, DESSERT, SUPPER, DINNER, CHEF, GOURMET, etc (there is endless possibilities) the writers only came up with basically 3?


Get my point. Anyone of those words SUPPORTS THE RAVENOUS EATING METAPHOR

The lyric is basically boring and cliche. I have heard that story done soo many times. WITHOUT THE CLEVER ELEMENT WHICH IS NOT THERE, it is just another tired subject, stated in a tired old way

youre hunger metaphors make me laugh...in a death metal song, talking of dessert, supper, dinner, chef, etc. would be lame and stupid...obviously they didn't teach you appropriateness of content within the song structure...or you just ignore it

[Jawwge]

Hey Metal!
If you spent as much time actualy playing your instruments as you do running your mouth, you just might someday be as good as you think you are.
I've seen your type before, you're the guy sitting at the bar, bragging to any one who'll listen, that you're better than the band.
Funny that no one ever hears your music, just your mouth.
I suspect that your mouth is the only thing you know how to play.

I got it now, Diarrhea of the mouth, Facist mentality, obbsession with political correctness, Chronic eliteism, rules are for the little people, self idolization, can't play a sax worth a shit!!!
I know who you are now!!!!
YOU"RE BILL CLINTON!!!


PLAY GUITAR!!!

[Banned]

Of course they talked about linguistics and what someone would actually say within a given genre of music.

however, I just put them down to show possibilities. That the original artist only used three.

Even so though, if a metal writer wanted to use the word DESSERT i would say GOOD FOR YOU. Simply because he is EXPANDING and not CONFORMING like you so called people CONTRADICT YOURSELVES with

You also have to LOOK HOW YOU WOULD USE a word like DESSERT in the lyrical phrase. Example OF SUPPORTIVE IMAGERY

LIKE A CARNIVOROUS JESUS
you will be my SACRIFICIAL DESSERT
I will ROAST you upon the fires of hell
STARVING I want more than your MEAT
I DEVOUR souls of the weak
I'm RAVENOUS


IF ONE DOESN'T USE A THESAURUS HE WILL MOST LIKELY NOT BE A GREAT WRITER

[Ron]

IF ONE DOESN'T USE A THESAURUS HE WILL MOST LIKELY NOT BE A GREAT WRITER

C'mon now. And please stop shouting so much. (third "please").

[tonefight]

Metal Rules, How about an example of a song you feel is written well and I am also curious what your accomplishments are in your music carrer.

[Banned]

Not a factor to the matter at hand.

Again, the doctor of math says 2+2=5
the bum answers back no it is 4

WHO IS RIGHT?

[Punkinhead]

Too bad you didn't listen to the songs before criticizing them...you would see alot of you suggestions dont fit....

angela only puts minimal lines in her songs because she is in a band with two awesome guitarists, who need their space.....

My point is: Before you SHOOT you MOUTH off...do better research...you don't know everything....all I'm saying on this...

[Banned]

I have heard the song before. I will also agree that the band has 2 good guitar players who have their fast licks down pat.

However, that fact alone is killing the songwriting. The fact that the song is about guitar licks is what kills the creative craft about it.

The entire song comes off as LYRICS ARE THE REST BETWEEN GUITAR SOLOS

As soon as you have that mentality, song and craft suffer