Old band members. friend or enemy

Banned · Post by **Banned** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

Need to ask question.I quit my old band. left on good terms, joined another band. Some of the members from old band say that we are all still friends. So i try continuestly. to get a hold of one of the members to have him take a listen to some orig material i'm working on with another band. and ask his opinion on some things to change or not change on the material. So i do get a hold of him, and he acts like big dick about the whole thing. So am i to believe that we are not friends like they said or am i to believe that he is just a washed up rock star wanna-be who thinks he knows everything, or plain and simple he is just being a dildo, cause i quit the band......... I'm not mentioning the name of the band or member, but he sure as hell knows who i'm talkin about....................

Mr Positive Attitude · Post by **Mr Positive Attitude** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

If there's one thing that saddens me, its people airiing dirty laundry in public. I can't think of anything good that would come of publicly accusing someone of being a "dildo." Since you havn't named this "dildo" it mainly reflects poorly on you.

Before jumping to conclusions you may want to consider some possible motives for this person. Perhaps they were busy when you've tried contacting them. Maybe an email would be in order. If they are a rockpage member, perhaps you could try contacting them through here.

I would try some alternate forms of communication before I jumped to conclusions.

VENTGtr · Post by **VENTGtr** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

Ah, people have bad days. Say "Let's grab a couple of beers someplace
and I'd like to give you a CD fo stuff to take a listen to get your opinion".

Beer makes everything better...or, some would say, BEANS make everything better.
Remember though, a combination of the two makes enemies of even your children
for a while. TRUST ME!

BDR · Post by **BDR** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

pearl6866 wrote: Need to ask question.I quit my old band. left on good terms, joined another band. Some of the members from old band say that we are all still friends. So i try continuestly. to get a hold of one of the members to have him take a listen to some orig material i'm working on with another band. and ask his opinion on some things to change or not change on the material. So i do get a hold of him, and he acts like big dick about the whole thing. So am i to believe that we are not friends like they said or am i to believe that he is just a washed up rock star wanna-be who thinks he knows everything, or plain and simple he is just being a dildo, cause i quit the band......... I'm not mentioning the name of the band or member, but he sure as hell knows who i'm talkin about....................

Word of caution: It's not hard for any regular visitor to this site to figure out what band you left due to this thread:

http://www.rockpage.net/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=11797

... and your profile still lists this band's Web site as your home page, so I'm guessing that would mean you're referring to a member of that band, using context clues. Of course, I'm only assuming here, but if I'm right, your attempt to keep names out of your rant either failed miserably or you're spreading "bad holiday cheer" on purpose.

Shouldn't burn bridges. If someone's a dick to you, make a note of it and take it as a lesson learned not to deal with that person/persons in the future. Don't make yourself out to be someone who doesn't work well with others. Slamming former band members in public, even if they are acting like dicks, only reflects bad on you (as Mr. Smiley Face already pointed out) and makes it harder to score new gigs down the road.

r:>)

BDR · Post by **BDR** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

VENTGtr wrote:...or, some would say, BEANS make everything better.

Beans make the world go 'round ...

r:>)

Trucula · Post by **Trucula** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

I always try to see it from both shoes...Think how it would be if you were on the receiving end...I know alot can put on a front and say,"Yeah sound good!" and when they get with their friends,say something different. They prob. do feel somewhat remorse that you quit, maybe saying you didnt want to do it anymore, not have the time ect, then see you join another band. Thats like twisting the knife.. Its happen to us to before...but give it time and don't force it upon them...Things will change!

Look at it in this scenario : Say you break up with a girl because "you don't wanna be in a relationship' "want to be free and party" ect..then a month later hook up with someone and move in/ get engaged ect. Try asking the old girlfriend to come over and see how great you get along with the new one. LOL!! I know it sounds weird but its about the same thing in a way!

Jones · Post by **Jones** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

There's a drummer looking for work soon.

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

I'd simply say it's too soon to be foisting new material on the ex-member. Breakups happen for a reason, and people want to focus on the new situation, so they're not going to be real open to what you're doing now... why would they feel the need to care? I think you're probably asking too much right now.
At any rate, Rockpage probably isn't the best place to bitch about the cold reception, and putting a little distance to it will decrease it's meaning. Rob's right, burning bridges is seldom a positive thing in this business.----->JMS

bassist4life2004 · Post by **bassist4life2004** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

pearl6866 wrote: Need to ask question.I quit my old band. left on good terms, joined another band. Some of the members from old band say that we are all still friends. So i try continuestly. to get a hold of one of the members to have him take a listen to some orig material i'm working on with another band. and ask his opinion on some things to change or not change on the material. So i do get a hold of him, and he acts like big dick about the whole thing. So am i to believe that we are not friends like they said or am i to believe that he is just a washed up rock star wanna-be who thinks he knows everything, or plain and simple he is just being a dildo, cause i quit the band......... I'm not mentioning the name of the band or member, but he sure as hell knows who i'm talkin about....................

You know what, I may be a big dick, but at least i dont call peoples phones 12 times a day, especially from 11 pm til 1 in the morning when my son and I are sleeping to talk. I try to get off the phone with you and all you do is keep talking, so eventually my son wakes up and i gotta try for a couple hours to put him back to bed. Thats the reason for my dickitry.

Yea, im some washed up rock star Stan, thats gotta be it... At least my hairdo escaped the 80's , yours is still quite there.

The only reason i have a problem is because my phone does nothing but ring all day every day, we have a great drummer now, let it go. And no, we are not friends, im tired of you bugging eric and I, and im sure he feels the same damn way, actually i know he feels the same way.

Sorry for "airing my dirty laundry" but if im gonna be attacked, and my band is gonna be attacked, i have every right to attack back. And yes, i sure as hell know who I am, I am the lead singer for Echo Chamber.

So much more I want to say, but I'll spare you guys the rest.

onegunguitar · Post by **onegunguitar** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

BadDazeRob wrote: Word of caution: It's not hard for any regular visitor to this site to figure out what band you left due to this thread:

http://www.rockpage.net/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=11797

... and your profile still lists this band's Web site as your home page, so I'm guessing that would mean you're referring to a member of that band, using context clues. Of course, I'm only assuming here, but if I'm right, your attempt to keep names out of your rant either failed miserably or you're spreading "bad holiday cheer" on purpose.
r:>)

Haha-good observation!

Banned · Post by **Banned** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

Well than don't say one thing and do another, nothing more I can't stand is a hipacrit. The world is always full of people who think they know everything. and think there better than everyone else. But when reality sets in they don't really know nothing.

SpellboundByMetal · Post by **SpellboundByMetal** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

Just recently, one of my bands lost some members. I could bitch here, but i didnt. I was mad about it for a little bit, but it just took a min to realize thats what CE needed to progress. Im not angry anymore & Im glad im not. Nothing was really going the way I envisioned it in the beginning. Cant blame anyone but myself for that! Rice and I are taking some time to construct the new songs and to find the RIGHT guys for the band.
I still like the dudes that arent in CE anymore. We all had our reasons. Things happen for a reason!!

bassist4life2004 · Post by **bassist4life2004** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

Dude, fact of the matter is, you bother me. When you call and I talk to you, even if i was sleeping at midnight and my son is in bed (he sleeps in a bed about 3 feet from mine) you will not take a hint that i dont want to talk to you. THAT is what pisses me off.

Weather i know what im talking about is not a factor in this mess. I know that i dont know everything, and frankly if i did know everything, i wouldnt be in this god damn area making next to nothing. You can not take a hint, you never could take a hint. I just wanted you to quit calling me 90 times a day, it gets old. I have more important things to do right now than answer my phone 50 times and talk to you, knowing full well that I wont get off the phone unless i hang up on you or shoot myself in the head.

Take this hint, maybe its clear enough. LEAVE ME, ERIC, BRIAN, AND MITCH ALONE. You bluffed, left the band thinking you would get more money out of us, we called your bluff and got a better drummer. Too bad for you, not our problem, we dont have time to fuck around.

bassist4life2004 · Post by **bassist4life2004** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

SpellboundByMetal wrote:Just recently, one of my bands lost some members. I could bitch here, but i didnt. I was mad about it for a little bit, but it just took a min to realize thats what CE needed to progress. Im not angry anymore & Im glad im not. Nothing was really going the way I envisioned it in the beginning. Cant blame anyone but myself for that! Rice and I are taking some time to construct the new songs and to find the RIGHT guys for the band.
I still like the dudes that arent in CE anymore. We all had our reasons. Things happen for a reason!!

Believe me Keith, i dont want there to be any bad blood, but theres a point where it just gets ridiculous. It has reached that point.

Jones · Post by **Jones** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

Ok have to ask.....did I miss the time warp back to high school BS? Take it somewhere else.......or how bout you both have the balls to talk in person.

BDR · Post by **BDR** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

Sooo ... should I assume that I hit the nail on the head?!?

r:>)

bassist4life2004 · Post by **bassist4life2004** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

yep, u got it Rob.

BDR · Post by **BDR** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

bassist4life2004 wrote:Thats the reason for my dickitry.

Awesome new word ... I'm tucking that one away for later use, but I'll give you credit for it, Ken.

r:>)

f.sciarrillo · Post by **f.sciarrillo** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

You guys played in St. Marys? I like that area. It's really nice up there, especially in the fell and spring ..

bassist4life2004 · Post by **bassist4life2004** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

BadDazeRob wrote:
bassist4life2004 wrote:Thats the reason for my dickitry.
Awesome new word ... I'm tucking that one away for later use, but I'll give you credit for it, Ken.

r:>)

Actually Rob, I can't take credit for that word either. I got that off of The Prehistoric Iceman episode of South Park. Stan uses that word when he and Kyle are about to fight. I just love the word.

Also, yes, i love playing in St. Marys too, its such a nice area and there are a lot of great people up there. At the same time, they will let you know what they think of you. For instance, we started playing Devil Inside by INXS and this dude walks up to us, puts his hands out in front of him, and gives the song 2 thumbs down. It was at that point that we realized that we were perhapse playing the shittiest song in the universe and wondered what posessed us to play it, and actually quit playing it. That was one of the HUGE highlights of our musical careers.

Post by **Jim Price** » Tuesday Dec 26, 2006

I agree with several of the sentiments expressed above; this is a matter best settled over the telephone or by PM's, not by airing out dirty laundry in a public forum.

It's commonplace that people leave bands and bands part ways with members for any number of reasons, just like it happens in any other "job" situation. Consider it a learning experience and move forward from it.

***LOCK***

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Old band members. friend or enemy

Old band members. friend or enemy

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