How to get even with your wife or girlfriend

moxham123 · Post by **moxham123** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

Somebody sent this to me and I thought I would pass it on.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

cruseaudio · Post by **cruseaudio** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

YankeeRose · Post by **YankeeRose** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

I looove sex and hate shopping, LMAO!

STEREOTYPES are not always true for women, or men.

HarleyRo1 · Post by **HarleyRo1** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

...pulling out my 'reasons to stay single list'....adding yet another check to the list....

YankeeRose · Post by **YankeeRose** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

HarleyRo1 wrote:...pulling out my 'reasons to stay single list'....adding yet another check to the list....

AaaaaMEN!

Banned · Post by **Banned** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

YankeeRose wrote:
HarleyRo1 wrote:...pulling out my 'reasons to stay single list'....adding yet another check to the list....

AaaaaMEN!

Cheers from eligible men all over central Pa.

YankeeRose · Post by **YankeeRose** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

undercoverjoe wrote:Cheers from eligible men all over central Pa.

Huh, YOU are "eligible"??? I'd never considered that possibility.

Asundor · Post by **Asundor** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

LOL, Thats f--kin great.

subimeman · Post by **subimeman** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

My theory is it's all material things...buy me a ring ...get me a house...blah blah blah.
I think staying single and hittin the message parlor is the best bet!

EyesOfAnguishbassist · Post by **EyesOfAnguishbassist** » Wednesday May 31, 2006

LMAO thats a good one man, haha