Some inside humour for musicians.

[bassist4life2004]

Well actually it happens to me in this irritating way:
They say: so you're a dietitian, do you think the Atkins (insert any number of diets here) is safe/effective/whatever
I say: no (if I really think no) and give reasons

Which diet is the best?

[ZappasXWife]

Oh no you're not dragging me into that trap...

[JeffLeeper]

All the other dieticians know Atkins....if you don't know that one you suck.....Sorry , thought you were a musician.

....so is there an eat-all-you-want-and-lose-20-pounds-a-week-diet ?

I never really thought about other professions getting that crap....I'll bet that's a pain in the neck.

[lonewolf]

Oh no you're not dragging me into that trap...

So, was that 4 calories or 5 calories per gram of carbohydrates, except when its insoluble fiber, then it doesn't count. Right?

[ZappasXWife]

I told you lonewolf it is 4 calories per gram of carbohydrate. As far as fiber not counting, that is sort of a gray area...too complicated for this forum which has gotten way off track!
Jeff L., that is d-i-e-t-i-t-i-a-n, just remember there is a tit in the middle.
Yes I 'know' the Atkins diet, and no there is no diet to lose 20 lbs/week, nor is that healthy if there was.
Now I must get back to work...

[YankeeRose]

The drunk dancer....


The one who comes over to you, where you're sitting, alone, drinking your drink, watching the band and asks you if you want to dance. Yes! you've been dying to dance, but since you're alone, you will not do the "dancing with myself" thing. So you get up and boogie with him once...then he keeps coming back...again...and again...and again...


When it gets to the point where it's easier to lie about marital status...



You're alone at a table and left to the god's of drunk. Because, as long as you have all your teeth, have few to none hairs on your chin and upper lip, and can talk in monosylabic answers, you're hott and you must be frisky! So why don't you go outside with the nice drunk...because he can dance and is mr. wonderful, even if he's had one or two (but is not drunk by anymeans!)....he'll even talk to you again if you want! Care to dance?!?

Ah, yes... First, the "drunk dancer". Me, I'm only a fan of great music who also happens to love to dance, a lot on occasion. What I really enjoy is the dancer, female or male, who is so drunk they are almost falling headfirst into the band, or hitting the floor and I'm literally catching them or "playing defense". Then someone else has great timing and they catch them, at least once. (This happened recently and has happened before...someone said I have a knack for catching them.
At least I have some purpose in life!) So, being the nice person that I am, I try to sit them down in a chair and they immediately get pissed off, like that move they just did was the "Swoon", a new dance sweeping the Nation that I just don't know about.



I can also relate to the other kind of dancer...of the male variety, drunk or not, who as Esa stated, sees you sitting alone and immediately horns in on you...no matter WHAT you tell them:
"well, you're sitting here alone", "do you know anyone here" and when friends arrived, "do you really know them, or JUST from following the band?", THAT one REALLY creeped me out! Depending upon the vibe I get, I will usually fast dance with them, because I figure, "what the hell", but I refuse to slow dance, that happens very rarely...I don't slow dance lightly and it's a "no" more often than not. 'sides, I don't have any protectors like Esa does. If my friends had been there at that time and I was sitting or dancing with them, he wouldn't have bothered me. When they did arrive, he left me alone for the rest of the night. As far as marital status, I wear a ring on my ring finger and I could tell guys like him any number of things, it doesn't matter, they don't seem to care, as I'm "alone" and that's all they see.
rackafrackincornblattinconsarntootin, et cetera!

[moxham123]

This is a great post. These things have happened to me and my bands over the years too. We have some that occur frequently.

We will have somebody ask for a song that we don't know. We politely tell them we can't play it. Every 10 minutes they ask for the same song again. We inform them that we did not learn it in the last 10 minutes since they last asked for it.

People trying to talk to us while we are playing and singing happens way too often. We even have club workers try to tell us to make an announcement while we are in the middle of a song. Like they can't wait until the song is over.

The one we really like are the people who insist that we should let them sit in with us even though they have never sung or played an instrument with a band before. They will say that they can sing or play and when we ask them if they sing or play anywhere, they say no but they are really good and always wanted to sing or play with a band. We inform them that they are at our job and ask them what they do for a living. No matter if they are a surgeon, auto mechanic, or work at McDonald's, we tell them we are going to show up at their job and ask if we can sit in even if we have never done that type of work before.

Plus, we can't forget those who show up 10 minutes before your show is over and tell you that you can't quit yet because they just got there. When you ask them where they were the rest of the night, they say somewhere else. So, we should play longer just for them. Once again, we are going to show up at these people's jobs at quitting time and yell for them to work longer.

[bassist4life2004]

And then there are the people that believe, just because we hold instruments, we automatically base our whole music career around learning every Skynard and Johnny Cash song ever written. This one here goes along with moxham's post about getting the same song/band name screamed at you every 10 minutes.

[songsmith]

Okay, here's what I'd like to try with the folks who can't let a song request "go" : Of course, first you politely tell them you don't know that song. After, say, the third request for the song, say, "I'm sorry, we still don't know that one... whoa... wait... okay now we do! One... two... one, two, three, four!"
Then launch into about ten seconds of total nonsense cacophony, no beat, no key, maybe throw in a "yeah, yeah, yeah" or something. Then high -fives for everybody onstage, and you're all like, "Cool, we nailed it!"
Then no intro, just right into the next song, while the Gomer stands there scratching their head. God, I dislike Gomers. ------>JMS

[bassist_25]

That harkens the ultimate question: Gomer vs. Goober.

[f.sciarrillo]

That harkens the ultimate question: Gomer vs. Goober.

Both dimwits, I believe they were related - Inbreeds at that. I say equal idiocities ..

As for the other things, speaking from someone who gets really annoying and obnoxious when he gets drunk (The reason I don't go out that much lol), I can relate to what is said. There are times I did what was said, then when you are really wasted you don't know what you are doing. Being in a band and dealing with the public, the way a lot of you do, you will get that. I can see where it would upset you in the same turn. I know it would upset me if some one came to my work and did it to me ...

I have a belief that everyone has a split personality, depending on what you are doing will determine which comes out. Drinking is one that brings out the alter ego.