Funny- Central PA Barbie Released!

[ToonaRockGuy]

Got this in an email and thought some RPers would enjoy it!!
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Mattel recently released all-new Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Central Pennsylvania market:

Hollidaysburg Barbie: This princess Barbie is sold only at Exclusive Outlets. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named “Honey” and a cookie-cutter house. Available options include a tummy tuck/facelift. Workaholic Ken sold only with the augmented version.

Tyrone Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Mini-Van and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation, Traffic jamming cell phone sold seperately.

Claysburg (Mostly Bulls Creek) Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes complete with 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. Only available after dark, and must be paid for in cash (small bills preferred)…unless you are a cop, then we have no idea what you are talking about.

State College Barbie: This Yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Also included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.

Altoona Barbie: This Barbie comes with a dress, heels, and purse suitable for Sunday wear, even though they are 3 years old. Since she and Ken lost their jobs at the railroad, a trip to American’s Thrift Store is included at no extra cost.

Williamsburg Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR T-Shirt, and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick Mullet Haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup and get a Confederate Flag bumper sticker absolutely free!

University Park Barbie: This collagen-injected rhinoplasty Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available.

Martinsburg Barbie: This tobacco-chewin’ brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Williamsburg Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top.

Huntingdon Barbie: This doll is made of actual Tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hair armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase 2 Sullivan’s Island Barbies and the optional Subaru Wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Bellwood Barbie: This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and Food Stamps. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Saxton Barbie: This Barbie is perfect in every way. (We have to say that because she has a weapon pointed at us right now.) We don’t know where Ken is because he’s always hunting.

[bassist4life2004]

You forgot:

Northern Cambria Barbie: This barbie comes with Crack Pipes, 5 crack babies, and a pack of ceringes for the "rainy days". Beat up Aries K Car sold separatly. When you buy the Aries K, you also get Drug Dealer Ken, because you have to pick him up at one of the many local bars/crack houses, and a bitch cant get a man unless she gots a ride. Comes with "needle track" stickers. Heroine sold separatly.

[RobTheDrummer]

Funny Stuff! How about a Rock Page Barbie....

She comes with a t-shirt with Ron's picture on it. She frequently has political arguments with Ken about nothing. Her and Ken both play guitar and discuss about who the best ever was, then that turns into a political argument. They both worship Jim Price as their God. Songsmith is their best friend. They have neighbors, Esa and Jae, whom they call the cops on for a domestic disturbance frequently. The set includes a free pass to City Limits (ironic) and a beat up station wagon to haul gear.

Anyone else have a good RP barbie? HAHA

[Staceman]

They forgot to include the Cove Shoe factory timecard with the Martinsburg Barbie.

[esa]

They have neighbors, Esa and Jae, whom they call the cops on for a domestic disturbance frequently.

It's not our fault that we'd throw the best drinking/sex/band jam parties nightly! Play your cards right and you can help us cause disturbances!

[gymnast]

I got the same version but for Johnstown
THE JOHNSTOWN BARBIE..........

Westmont Barbie.......
This princess Barbie is only sold at Boscovs.
She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a longhaired foreign lapdog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with a to-die-for view of the Incline Plane.
Also included are a Starbucks mug, credit card set, and Bahamas Airlines
Gold MPV membership. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and
boob-job. Workaholic, shallow, cheating husband Ken comes with a Porsche.

Richland Barbie.........
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with a Ford Explorer and
matching Sub Club workout ensemble. She gets lost easily and has no full
time occupation. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox.
Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing,
hunting, golfing, eating, and lusting for other women. Available at Toy's R
Us .

Kernville Barbie..........
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is
available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash - preferably
small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking
about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawnshops.

Hornerstown Barbie.............
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, a classic Metallica t-shirt and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Budweiser and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is
drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately. Boyfriend Ken is in
treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus.

Solomon Homes Barbie..........
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Hornerstown Barbie's apartment. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lipgloss and a see-through halter top.
Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.

Oakhurst Barbie............
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also
included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out PFD form. Gangsta Ken and
his '82 WHite Caddy (dubbed the great white hype) are optional. Available at JC Penneys.

Moxham Barbie.............
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long
straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but
if you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow
flag sticker. All the Kens for Moxham Barbie come with Tulune's South Side Saloon no jerks allowed T shirts, Cargo pants, Birkenstocks, and a glass of Optimater. For a limited time you can get a discount on the Dead Irish Blues CD with proof of purchase of two Moxham Ken's (drinking is never fun alone)

Downtown Barbie..............
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or removing snap-on parts. Walks to work. Likes to "experiment",
but will never commit. This model is being phased-out and is only available
from the manufacturer.

[bassist4life2004]

need a Sheetz uniform for the altoona barbie

[ZappasXWife]

Introducing Rockpage Francie, barbies best friend!

This barbie was created by 2 former employees of Mattel, John S. and Bob L. who dreamed of creating a barbie in the image of their ideal woman. While not anatomically correct, this barbie has breasts the size of beach balls, and an ass the size of Idaho. Brain package optional. With brain package, this doll also has an interest in politics, especially how politics relate to, well, just about everything. Leans toward the Libertarian party due to the influence of her boyfriend ("Paul" doll, due out later this year). While alike in their political views, she agues with her boyfriend frequently about rearing children, although they do agree that operant conditioning and Suzuki music lessons are the way to go. She loves beans, Queensryche, Dream Theatre and old heavy metal, but hates Dave Matthews and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Is disdainful of DJs, Kareoke, and the Club Car. Moniker on Rockpage used to be Asa, but changed it to Quail Whale to cover up her identity.

[DennySD]

Altoona barbie should be 60 years old, with accessory Bush bumper sticker and/or little yellow magnetic ribbon (to prove they support the troops unlike the america-haters driving around without little yellow magnetic ribbons), and will explode when exposed to noise levels above 70dB.