Something to Offend Everyone

[YankeeRose]

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.



What is a "yankee"?

The same as a "quickie", but a guy can do it alone.



What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.



Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.



What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts!



Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.



What do you call a smart blonde?

A Golden Retriever.



What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.



What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

45 pounds.



What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.



What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.



Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.



What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.



What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.



Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?

Because most of those men already have BOYfriends.



Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.



What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"



Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.



Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.



Did you hear about the Dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo".



Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.



Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong".



What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A "Speech Impediment".



What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?

They're hiring.



What's the difference between a Southern Zoo and a Northern Zoo?

A Southern Zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... a "recipe".



How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "BINGO"!



What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?

A Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time... A Southern fairy tale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit"!



Why is there no Disneyland in China?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

[Dunston540]

Being full blooded Irish, that joke will be the highlight at my next family outing, which if you guessed, will take place in a pub.

[Bag]

Sum Ting Wong! LOL! I'm so ashamed of myself!

[YankeeRose]

correctly...


What does an Irish 7 Course meal consist of?


A potato and a 6 pack.




An ancestor of mine was "Margaret Elizabeth O'Donnell", that's about as Irish as you can get...

[songsmith]

Any ladies have a little Irish in them? Want one? ----->JMS

[ERiC_AiXeLsyD]

I'm a dirty potato lover too.




What do Michael Jacson & Caviar have in common?




They both come on little crackers.

[DMFJ03]

I'm a dirty potato lover too.




What do Michael Jacson & Caviar have in common?




They both come on little crackers.

AAAAAAAAAAH! ::Dies laughing::

[ERiC_AiXeLsyD]

Yeah, a buddy of mine relayed that to me on Friday.

It's the only MJ joke I haven't heard run into the ground.