Jokes with Realistic Endings...

[ToonaRockGuy]

A man spends his first day in prison talking to his cell mate. His cell mate gives him a few tips on surviving maximum security in his first weeks there, and then pauses to look outside the bars of the cell.

"I got an escape plan", says the man's cell mate.

"What is it?"

"Put this blanket over your head, and I'll tell you what to do when the guard comes back."

The man puts the blanket over his head, and his cell mate begins to rape him. Savagely.
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Jesus is hanging on the cross and John approaches.

John says: "Jesus, its John. How may I serve thee ain thy time of need?"

Jesus replies: "YEEEAAAAAAAARGGHGGGHGGHGGGHGGHGGH!!!!!"
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A chicken begins crossing the street and is hit by several fast moving metal boxes with wheels.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertantly left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distacted of late.

Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removalists van as it attempted to make its way home.

Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman.

"Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flys". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most irridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.
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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

Because she was blind and deaf.

[Quail Whale]

Ridiculi!

[DMFJ03]

A "You're going to hell" favorite from The Crow

Jesus Christ? Stop me if you heard this one, ...Jesus Christ walks into an Inn, hands the inn keeper three nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

[aMindBesideItself]

That's not even remotely humorous.

[esa]

::just shakes her head at all of you:: I'm waiting for the Dead Baby/Grosser than Gross jokes to start coming....

[DMFJ03]

That's not even remotely humorous.

I didn't come up with it.

[songsmith]

:takes hat off to ToonaRockGuy:------->JMS

[BDR]

A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd that come from?"

... the frog says, "It started out as a pimple on my ass."

r:>)

[byndrsn]

Wow!!!!!

And I used to think that Esa posted and forwarded some really bad jokes!!!

[Imgrimm01]

You stole my Jesus Joke.. so I will do another... A lady is on the ground crying the crowd around her are all holding rocks ready to stone her, Jesus steps up and says let he who is without sin cast the first stone, just then a huge rock nails the lady on the head, the crowd parts and there is a lady standing there with a grin on her face and Jesus says " Dammit Mom sometimes you really piss me off "

[HurricaneBob]

I once had a girl with warts on one lip and worm holes on the other. Good thing was she could button it to any size....

[DMFJ03]

..... I think I might be ill.

[witchhunt]

What did the Roman centurian say to Jesus? Hey buddy, you're gonna have to put your feet together. We only got three nails left.
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Ayyyynd, always look on the bright side of life. (add cheerful whistle)

[esa]

Alllllllright witch. That one went over my head. Sexual inuendo? Or..uh... just please explain. I'm feelin' a little blond right now.


And, gee...thanks Tom. I feel all special and such.... picking on my bad jokes...

[Marsman365]

Esa, Esa, Esa... ::Shakes his head in disappointment:: Haven't you ever noticed that on most crosses Jesus' feet are nailed with only one nail. Some people question this and ask why weren't his feet nailed separately.

Obviously he was crucified by Jews, and they were too cheap to use the extra nail... (ba-dump, crash!)

(Please, it's a joke. I respect all religions. JUST A JOKE...)

Go ahead laugh, it's kind of funny. You know the stereotype, Jewish people are cheap...


Ahhhh, come on, it 's funny...

[Mackovyak]

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy

[esa]

Esa, Esa, Esa... ::Shakes his head in disappointment:: Haven't you ever noticed that on most crosses Jesus' feet are nailed with only one nail. Some people question this and ask why weren't his feet nailed separately.
Obviously he was crucified by Jews, and they were too cheap to use the extra nail... (ba-dump, crash!)
Ahhhh, come on, it 's funny...

::pokes:: I got you using my motion marks! wOOt wOOt! hee hee. Okay.. cheap jews. gotcha. ::and cues jamie for the hittler jokes now::
hee hee.

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy

::she does the most unthinkable thing...and'll tell you this...it ain't an easy thing to do either....snarffing one's pineapple::

[DMFJ03]

::Ears perk::

Who was the greatest German baker?

Hitler!!!

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Why did Hitler commit suicide?

He saw his gas bill!!!

[Banned]

I stuck a hose up my ass and filled my rectum with water... I then jumped up on the hood of an old ladies car and mooned her spraying the windsheild with asswater.

[gymnast]

Ummm That was my Grandma, and you really shouldn't eat so much corn!!