A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint ...

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Tuesday Jan 18, 2005

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard
walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "hey! what are you
doing?" The monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they
share a few puffs.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is
going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans
too far over and falls
into the river.

A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps
him to the side, then asks the lizard, "what's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking
a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into
the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into
the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a
joint. The Crocodile looks up to say "hello!"

The Monkey looks down in supprise and says...

"What the fuuuuuuuuck dude........how much water did you drink?!!"

esa · Post by **esa** » Wednesday Jan 19, 2005

So at this point in time, all the kids are sitting here, staring at me because I got to check this during a typing class....and I'm gigglefitting. Miss Lisa has gone crackers...

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Wednesday Jan 19, 2005

DMFJ03 · Post by **DMFJ03** » Wednesday Jan 19, 2005

That's funny as hell.

aMindBesideItself · Post by **aMindBesideItself** » Wednesday Jan 19, 2005

I don't get it

However, a bear walks up to a rabbit in the woods and says...
"Hey, does poop stick to your fur?'
The rabbit says,
"Why, yes sir...it does!"
So the bear picks up the rabbit, and wipes his butt with him.

Now, THAT i get.

esa · Post by **esa** » Wednesday Jan 19, 2005

monkey is high... thought the lizard drank so much water that he got big like a crocodile..but it was really the crocodile standing there...lizard never came back.
::hands you over a cookies and pats your head::

aMindBesideItself · Post by **aMindBesideItself** » Wednesday Jan 19, 2005

HAHAHA...ok..i got it now....HAHAHAA...well done, JM!

Thanks for the clarification, esa.

lol.....monkeys

DMFJ03 · Post by **DMFJ03** » Wednesday Jan 19, 2005

This little priest goes to an indian reservation, and is trying to convert the whole place into Christianity. While walking among them, he noticed that they all have feathers in the hair. Curious, he walks over to an Indian and strikes up a conversation.

"Excuse me, but I noticed you have a feather in your hair, what does that mean?"

The Indian replies with, "Ugh, me f**k'em one Squaw!"

Shocked, the little priest continues his quest and walks up to different Indians, asking the same question. "How'd you get your feather in your hair?" He keeps getting the same answers, just with a different number of Squaw's.

Finally, the little priest stumbles upon the Indian Cheif who has a full headress of feathers down to his ankles. The priest sighs deeply and asks..."Cheif, I know I am going to regret this...but how did you get all of your feathers?"

Big Chief says "Me f**k'em all Squaw!"

The little priest puts a hand to his face and exclaims "Oh dear!"

Big Chief responds "No deer. Run to fast, jump to high!"

Mo Lester · Post by **Mo Lester** » Thursday Jan 20, 2005

That Bear one is old and you didn't even tell it right.

the monkey one is funny,
I can't believe you took the time to type it, but it was cool.

esa · Post by **esa** » Thursday Jan 20, 2005

well aren't we a fkn ray of sunshine today.

aMindBesideItself · Post by **aMindBesideItself** » Thursday Jan 20, 2005

First of all...the bear one is the only joke i gots.

2nd of all, "Mo Lester" (if that is your real name)....how's it supposed to go??

Mo Lester · Post by **Mo Lester** » Thursday Jan 20, 2005

Sorry, Esa , it was very early, and the sun was NOT up yet, but the kids WERE (2 & 5 yr old). so I had to cut it short for breakfast.
didn't mean to rip on yer joke dude, but here is the way I got it way back when:
Bear: "have problems with shit sticking to yer fur?"
Rabbit: "no"
Bear: "good"
and then proceeds to wipe his ass with the bunny
this way just seems to make the bear appear a little more courteous!

Big Chief says "Me f**k'em all Squaw!"

The little priest puts a hand to his face and exclaims "Oh dear!"

Big Chief responds "No deer. Run to fast, jump to high!"
I got a good kick out of this one too!
Peace
Mo

aMindBesideItself · Post by **aMindBesideItself** » Thursday Jan 20, 2005

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Anything to make that bear more courteous!! hahaha

It will be told differently from now on.
Thanks, Mo

Mo Lester · Post by **Mo Lester** » Friday Jan 21, 2005

Yeah, Now doesn't that make it more warm and fuzzy!
YAY!!

Brian of the Clan Plush · Post by **Brian of the Clan Plush** » Friday Jan 21, 2005

a baby seal walks into a club....

Brian of the Clan Plush · Post by **Brian of the Clan Plush** » Friday Jan 21, 2005

<previous joke not to be confused with>

a blind man walks into a bar.....

Brian of the Clan Plush · Post by **Brian of the Clan Plush** » Friday Jan 21, 2005

Q - What do you do when you find a local musician standing at your front door?

A - pay for the pizza and close the door

Q - what does a drummer say when you put a mic in front of him?

A - "You want fries with that?"

nightcrawler_steve · Post by **nightcrawler_steve** » Friday Jan 21, 2005

Q - what does a drummer say when you put a mic in front of him?

A - "You want fries with that?"

Watch it Brian!

Im sending you a pm about the Crowbar gig - get in touch.

Mo Lester · Post by **Mo Lester** » Friday Jan 21, 2005

not to offend, but I always got a good kick from this shortie......

What do you call people who hang out with musicians?

Drummers

Skate Toad · Post by **Skate Toad** » Friday Jan 21, 2005

Don't make me get Johny Leather Jacket to fire your ass!