sound

[Jones]

Some people hate lawyers. Some hate cops. I hate soundmen.

In fact, I have a theory, a variation on the old adage that "them that can, do; them that can't teach." I think that there are people who really love music, so they learn to play an instrument. We call these people musicians. Then there are people who love music, but they do not have the talent to play an instrument. We call these people bass guitarists. Then there are the people who do not have the talent to play even the bass guitar, yet their massive ego tells them they belong onstage with musicians anyway. These people are called singers. Finally, at the very bottom of the musical food chain, you find the people who do not have the talent to play a musical instrument or the bass guitar, and lack the self-aggrandizing impulse to be singers, yet still want to hang around musicians. These guys--yes, they are all guys--are called soundmen.

Soundmen have wasted hundreds of hours of my time, and thousands of dollars of my money. Lest you think I exaggerate, allow me to go into detail.

First, in my experience as a musician, I have spent countless hours involved in the uniquely pointless procedure known as "the soundcheck." The soundcheck, for those who have not endured this singular form of tedium, is ostensibly a chance for the soundman to set up all his equipment, make sure everything's working and balance out the sound before showtime. In reality, it is a means of inflicting mental anguish similar to the Chinese water torture.

Here's how it works: musicians (along with their accompanying singers and bass guitarists) are asked to show up at a given venue at, say, 6:00 p.m. before a 9:30 gig, and play a few tunes and let the soundman get things together before the paying customers show. Sounds simple, eh? Well, here's what happens: 6:00-6:15: musicians show up; 6:15-6:30: bass guitarist and singer arrive; 6:30-6:45: band sets up; 7:00: musicians begin asking, 'where is the soundman?'; 7:15: soundman arrives; 7:30: musicians ask soundman when he's going to start setting up; 7:45: soundman quits talking to bartender, decides to unpack gear; 8:00-8:30: soundman unpacks 35 different microphones, decides which five he will actually use; 8:35: musicians point out that bar is beginning to fill up; 8:45 soundman says that even though he's not completely set up, musicians should run through a tune; 8:50: musicians play one song; everyone (except bass guitarist) agree that the sound is terrible-much too much bass guitar-and the monitors are not working, soundman says "it sounds great out front"; 9:00: band plays another song as musicians take turns stepping "out front" to test sound; 9:05: musicians tell soundman the sound is terrible out front and the monitors aren't working on stage; soundman says it will sound different "when the room fills up." 9:10: musicians ask why they are bothering to do anything now if it's going to sound completely different when the room fills up; soundman scurries around the stage, yanking cables looking puzzled; 9:15: musicians realize they have only about a half hour to get drunk, which they might as well do since they won't be able to hear each other anyway.

I'm sure you think I'm making all that up, but I've endured that scenario dozens of times. So have you, actually: that's why 90 percent of the time when you go to a show, the sound is horrible for the at least the first four songs. You're sitting through the soundcheck that should have taken place hours before.

Which brings me to the waste of money aspect of my complaint: I don't even want to get into the fact that at many clubs, the soundman is paid out of the money taken in at the door--before (!) the band sees any of it. I want to talk about all the gigs I've gone to where I've spent good money to hear musicians who can really play, only to sit through two hours worth of excruciatingly loud bass guitar and bass drum, wondering if the lead guitarist was plugged in. I mean, I must have wasted thousands of dollars over the years, and you know what really pisses me off about it? Most of the time, you could have walked outside, grabbed the first old lady you saw on the street, hauled her into the club and said, "now how do think that band sounds?" and she would have said the same thing that was obvious to every paying customer in the place: "well, young man, it's a lot louder than it needs to be, there's too much bass, and I can't hear the singer." Yet somehow the soundman thinks everything's fine.

There's only one possible explanation: these guys don't listen. See, they've taken classes, they're majoring in recording arts at the local community college, so they've memorized all this nonsense about which microphones pick up which frequencies blah blah blah and they think they have to apply that knowledge somehow. True story: I once had a soundman mic my tenor sax by dangling a microphone at eye level and telling me that you had to mic the top of the neck of a sax to get a "warm" sound. (Soundmen are always using words like "warm," "punchy" and "hot," probably because they don't have specific definitions like "bass," "treble" and "volume.") I told him that was bullshit: most of the sound comes out of a saxophone just below the lowest pad that is closed. That is a simple fact based on the way the instrument is constructed. No, he insisted, he was going to make me sound great. Naturally, you couldn't hear a fucking thing I played, but I had to humor him till the gig started, at which point I yanked the mic down and stuck it in the bell of the horn. My point is this: no one would ever arrive at such a stupid procedure using his ears. Somebody in Recording 101 told him that was the way to do it, and by god he was going to do it that way no matter what his ears told him.

I don't play much anymore, but soundmen still drive me nuts. I went to a club last night to hear a local band that I like--they're not anything great, but unlike most funk bands these days, they eschew disco and they at least aspire to produce the hip-shaking grooviness of instrumental funksters like the MGs--with jazz-level solo chops. I love that kind of stuff when I'm knocking back a couple ales on a Saturday night. Anyway, the club was packed, and I wound up standing right behind the soundboard, and I got to watch the soundman "work." As soon as the band started playing, it was obvious the organ was way too loud (at least it wasn't the bass for once) and you couldn't hear the alto sax player, even though he was playing a solo. What did the guy do about it? He fiddled with fourteen different knobs, moving them all no more than one-billionth of an inch, and if it had any effect on the faulty mix, I couldn't hear it. He continued doing this throughout the whole first set (and, I'll assume, the rest of the night, though by the second set I had moved), and after a while I realized all he was doing was turning everything up, bit by bit! Pretty soon, we had the same lousy mix, but it was so much louder you couldn't really distinguish exactly what was bad about it. As if to prove the point, I noticed that in between sets, when the PA system was turned over to a DJ, the muddy mix miraculously cleared up. No wonder so many people these days prefer to dance to records than to bands.

Anyway... here's my suggestion to remedy the situation: All sound men should be rounded up and herded into reeducation camps, where they would be taught a trade that has nothing to do with the production of music. (They can still work in record stores if they want to, I guess.) Sound systems will be operated by the musicians themselves, or by random members of the audience chosen by lottery on the night of the gig.

[metalchurch]

Hahaha, good shit man!
Well written and well detailed.

Ease up on the singers and bassists though.

[mjb]

dude , that was halarious!

[Hawk]

Ha Ha Ha, that's funny. However I hear the other side of it as well, from a musician / sound Engineer (yeah, they're sound ENGINEERS now !).

Sound engineer waits for the band - no one's on time. When they do show up you can't get them on stage - busy talking to each other or to chicks).

Then they know how to do sound better - even though they can't really hear the mains.

After things are balanced at soundcheck - they walk up for the gig and turn up their amps.


Funny thing though, the more professional the musicians - the more they let the sound engineer do his work. The least professional...well...they generally know more than the engineer.

Paul (aka paul on Rockpage) has a theory that EVERY sound man thinks HE personally invented the speaker.

[bassist_25]

Here's a thought: Invest the $30,000+ that it takes to build a professional-level sound system. Get transportation to haul it. Then run it from off stage.

or...

Only book small-to-medium rooms where you can get away with a vocal PA. Bands have been doing it for years upon years and have been successful at it. My father played almost an entire music career with using backline for instrument reinforcement.

I have to disagree with most of what you've said. I hear musicians complain about sound engineers all of the time, but there have only been a handful of times that I've walked out of a gig completely disgusted with the product I paid for in terms of sound reinforcement. Those cats were completely clueless and had no business being behind a board. There are bad sound engineers just like there are bad guitar players and bad singers. I have a ton of respect for a lot of local cats such as Zilly, Ray Buska, Greg Stager, Jim Zemlock, Ed from Mojo's, Paul "Shady" Shaffer, Nate Socoski, Steve from Aldo's, Mark Skero, Tom from Flight 19, and the cat we often run with, Chris Knapik. I've seen a lot of musicians walk in with rock star attitudes and then wonder why it's tough to work with the sound engineer. In my experience, respect goes a long way, and musicians aren't as knowledgable about what contitutes quality sound reinforcement as they think they are. That's evidenced by how many guitar players around have God-awful tone before it even makes it to the snake on stage.

Just my .02 cents.

[songsmith]

I don't play much anymore.

No kidding!! ---->JMS

[MeYatch]

if you really have never gotten a competent sound man, I'm going to guess you're playing way too fucking loud on stage. This is just a guess, judging by your rampant ego, and general douche-iness.

I don't think I've ever seen a band where the lead guitar wasn't loud enough.

Ever tried walking around the room during one of these horrible mixes?

The reason you can't hear the guitar wherever you're standing is probably because the guitar player is cranking a halfstack into his taint, and can't hear the rediculous amount of high frequencies, that are pointed directly into somebody's ear. probably the people that are walking out of the club when you think there's a SUPER AWESOME guitar solo happening.

[RobTheDrummer]

I agree with Jones on some points, and with Paul on some points. I think a lot of times it's hit or miss with soundguys.

[witchhunt]

Ya gotta admit. It was a good read.

[slackin@dabass]

................................................................... i take offense to the comment about bass players...

and what is this nonsense of too much bass? i've never heard of such a thing... if there ever would be a problem with the bass, it would not enough!

on a serious note though it was a good read.

but everything about "vocalists" is true...

[RamRod 1]

i take offense to the comment about bass players...

ME TO...


[/img]

[MeYatch]

I've only ever seen a thumbrest in that location on one other bass. Previous jazz bass player?

[witchhunt]

That's exactly where it's at on my P.

[lonewolf]

[sunsetbass]

Ha Ha Ha, that's funny. However I hear the other side of it as well, from a musician / sound Engineer (yeah, they're sound ENGINEERS now !).

Sound engineer waits for the band - no one's on time. When they do show up you can't get them on stage - busy talking to each other or to chicks).

Then they know how to do sound better - even though they can't really hear the mains.

After things are balanced at soundcheck - they walk up for the gig and turn up their amps.


Funny thing though, the more professional the musicians - the more they let the sound engineer do his work. The least professional...well...they generally know more than the engineer.

Paul (aka paul on Rockpage) has a theory that EVERY sound man thinks HE personally invented the speaker.

AMEN BROTHER.

[RamRod 1]

Sorry, 5 yard penalty.

[RamRod 1]

I've only ever seen a thumbrest in that location on one other bass. Previous jazz bass player?

I have a "Jazz' but I got the "Precission" first. I installed the Thumbrest in the mid "70's" for Funk but hardly ever used it. I usually just use the Pick-up. That bass is a 1974 and my hand is hiding the real thumbrest above the strings. My "Jazz" is a 1973, only 1 year earlier and has the thumbrest below the strings.

[/img]

Notice how the knobs and Jack are in the wrong order on the mounting plate. I got it used from a guy in Altoona and that the way it was so I never changed it.

[MeYatch]

very cool! I love 70's jazz basses

[f.sciarrillo]

I want to be a sound man

[lonewolf]

I want to be a sound man

Don't forget...that's sound Engineer

Didn't you know? Its the quickest way to an engineering title. Why go to college for 4 or 5 years and take all those pesky engineering courses & labs?

[RFBuck]

Jones has some legitimate bitches, and Paul (as usual) has valid points from his end.
I've experienced both sides of the fence. My worst experience behind the board was just as an assistant, but still harrowing. Aaron & I were asked to run sound for a metal band, and as a favor to the owner we agreed. These guys were total asses...period. We did one of the hated soundchecks, and things seemed OK. Then for some reason these clowns decide when it's time to start they have to turn everything up and stage volume became the primary driving force, practically drowning the mains. The singer kept bitching for monitors because he couldn't hear, and to get the volume he needed was just impossible. Customers began complaining to us, and eventually Aaron took all instruments out of the mains. The difference? Maybe 5 decibels - I shit you not. Not to mention these jokers were bashing everything around, knocking cables out of their jacks, and generally having no respect at all for the equipment. I talked to one guitarist and asked him for everyone to adjust the stage volume & I was politely told to F off.

People still bitched, and we showed them there were no instruments in the mains. Needless to say, customers poured out the doors and these guys got pissed. Soundmen are not the sole part of the chain....when you get jag-offs like these guys, it's hard to avoid being lynched when you're behind that board.

[f.sciarrillo]

I want to be a sound man

Don't forget...that's sound Engineer

Didn't you know? Its the quickest way to an engineering title. Why go to college for 4 or 5 years and take all those pesky engineering courses & labs?

Sorry, sound engineer. How hard can it be to move a couple of knobs and slide a bar up and down? Especially when they have the self setting boards now lol. That would be the easiest job.

[tom]

one point to note as a 'hated' soundman......

If you suck, I can only make you suck louder.

[bassman]

and to think i spent all those years playing bass and singing . i could have went straight to the bottom of the food chain "soundman" wow..........

[bassist_25]

Damn Andy, you always have the coolest vintage gear. I'm not a vintage gear kinda guy, but I always enjoy checking out your pieces.

Unfortunately, I've seen Buck's experience play out way too often. Guitar players walk into hole in the wall venues with full stacks and mega-watt tube heads, blow away the front of house with out of phase backline, then wonder why the monitor mix sucks. If I were a sound engineer, you couldn't pay me enough money to work with some of these primadonna bands that are around.

I'm not saying that every sound guy is brilliant or that no musician understands sound reinforcement. There's no right or wrong answer about this. Like I said earlier, you can either choose to run your own sound or hire an engineer. I can run a vocal PA as well as any musician should be able to, but I'm not going to go jump behind the board for a 20,000 watt system anytime soon. If you think being a sound person is easy, then make the investment into a large PA and start hiring your services out. Be warned, though, that it's more than just gear. A good ear is paramount. If you think that you can instantly recognize that 4k is about to feedback, then be my guest.