Breaking up is hard to do

jangel · Post by **jangel** » Wednesday Jul 09, 2008

Most of us have witnessed the breakup of one of the greatest R&R bands of all time...The Beatles.....and people always ask local musicians "how can that happen"...... it happens to local groups that seem to have the it all and it happens to average groups ..But heres the question how many of you have gone through a breakup and what was the cause

MOONDOGGY · Post by **MOONDOGGY** » Wednesday Jul 09, 2008

The woman in my life (fiance) moving out of the state and me following... = end of my fun with the band. Crap happens.

Thread highjack:

BTW....Naildriver MIGHT be looking for a new bassist in the coming months, so bassists, keep your eyes peeled for an awesome gig.

bassist_25 · Post by **bassist_25** » Wednesday Jul 09, 2008

In my experience, it's usually when the goals of the members are at odds with each other (e.g., two guys want to play once a month and the other two guys want to play seven times a month). Another reason is when one of more cats leave, and it's just impossible to recreate the original chemistry. Generally, I'm relieved afer a breakup, because it's obvious that there's something there that isn't working and is not fixable. Sometimes, it's just time to move on.

metalchurch · Post by **metalchurch** » Wednesday Jul 09, 2008

I wanna hear about people's wives having sex with the guitar player and shit like that.

Or the drummer all fucked up on beans stabs the singer.
Anyone gots some shit like that?

BTW: Nice avatar jangel, but you can't see the toe for the camel.

Killjingle · Post by **Killjingle** » Wednesday Jul 09, 2008

drummers and singers man

thats all I can say about that

sunsetbass · Post by **sunsetbass** » Wednesday Jul 09, 2008

quite honestly it was alot of drugs and alcohol that broke up every band i played in. a couple ego'shere and there.

KyleMayket · Post by **KyleMayket** » Wednesday Jul 09, 2008

Killjingle wrote:drummers and singers man

thats all I can say about that

I totally agree with the singer part, but, WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH DRUMMERS!?

EErnst · Post by **EErnst** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

I gotta side with Kyle on this one lol

DrumAndDestroy · Post by **DrumAndDestroy** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

the only band i was in that broke up was due to job schedules getting in the way. nothing more nothing less. we are all still friends and we all still love drugs.

DirtySanchez · Post by **DirtySanchez** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

One band- Fuckin Bass Player fell in love with every vagina he ever touched, let some chick he was dating for maybe 2 weeks convince him that they were in love, quit the band via VOICEMAIL!!! Fuck that. Everybody just said fuck it after that fiasco.

Next Band- Drummer had same disease as aforementioned bass player.( I think its called icantjamtodaymygirlfriendwantstohangoutmore-itis) plus the motherfucker had OCD on top of it. He had to wash his clothes everytime before leaving the house. I'd call him up and be like "Dude, when you gonna be at practice? You're an hour late." He'd say, "I'm just waiting for my clothes to dry." WTF? He's still a friend, but fuckin dude is bonkers.

Asundor · Post by **Asundor** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

IF I WAS TO GIVE AN EXCUSE TO WHY SEVERAL BANDS I'VE BEEN IN HAVE BROKEN UP I WOULD GIVE YOU GUYS SOMETHING TO READY FOR THE NEXT 6 MONTHS LOL. SO OF THE EXCUSES THAT ARE GIVEN ARE JUST OFF THE WALL THOUGH. FROM THE MOST PART IT DEAL WITH A WOMEN COMING INTO THE PICTURE. I THANK GOD EVERYDAY I FOUND ONE THAT SUPPORTS ME.

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

metalchurch wrote: Or the drummer all fucked up on beans stabs the singer.

Well, he meant to stab the singer... he just couldn't seem to get motivated. Once the bong came back around again, the whole thing was forgotten.

I've been in, as the saying goes, every band I've ever seen. No, that's not true, but I've been in a bunch. Sometimes they last a rehearsal or two, sometimes, like Thin Ice, they last a decade in some form. And Thin Ice must have "broken up" about a million times. I've long since abandoned the whole pissy-breakup thing. I really don't take it personally at all anymore... if someone else was the reason, well, I had no control over that; if it was my fault, I learned from it and at least tried to adapt. Gigging is a team sport, and some teams have better team effort than others. After a certain point in your career, when there's a bust-up, it's usually a time issue... time away from family and other responsibilities. For younger guys still "living the dream," it's all about ego... petty jealousies, over-inflated senses of talent and importance, "I-can-handle-my-drugs/booze syndrome", and the fact that 5 guys have 5 different dreams. Plus, early on, not everybody's at the same level professionally... two 21-year-olds, one might have been playing guitar since he was 10, the other decided he's a singer last Tuesday, you know? When you've been at it awhile, you can recognize sh*t easier... and you're more patient, choosing Mr. Right over Mr. Rightnow.

All that said, I just got bounced out of Mountain City Grass a few weeks ago... the bandleader told me there was a place for me, "... if I quit that hippy band (Mama Corn)."

Mountain City was his band, and I was a sideman, I never lost sight of that... never called a tune, seldom sang lead, just played my dobro and sang baritone BGV's. What irked him was that Mama Corn got so popular so fast, and he was jealous. I tried to explain that we work our asses off, practice weekly, promote-promote-PROMOTE, and play everything from backyard parties to big festivals. We come from bar-band backgrounds, where you have to hustle to stay afloat, while music is more of a pastime hobby for him. Mama opened our setlist up to attract a wider audience, while he insists that Mountain City stay lasered on traditional BG (which is cool, somebody has to carry the torch for tradition). So, do I hate him? Of course not! He's a taskmaster, and prefers a slow trot with blinders on to a sprint through the high grass, but I knew that going in. I had great fun playing his music, and felt kinship with everyone in the band, including him. I'd play with them again in a second, but I need some artistic satisfaction and return-on-investment, too. So, we agree to disagree, and move on. Not a minute's loss of sleep over it. Like I said, ya lives and ya learns.----->JMS

JackANSI · Post by **JackANSI** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

songsmith wrote:
metalchurch wrote: Or the drummer all fucked up on beans stabs the singer.
Well, he meant to stab the singer... he just couldn't seem to get motivated. Once the bong came back around again, the whole thing was forgotten.

How painfully true. All the original projects I've ever been in except 1 have ended from drugs. The one that didn't was senior year HS into the summer and broke up because everyone went off to pursue music degrees. God that band was a blast.

Now I'm just glad that I'm in a band with three other people that just want to have fun and 'do this'. Helps that they keep it interesting as far as song choices and you can pretty much pick anything and they are capable of playing it. Its like the holy grail of bands.

oh yeah.. thats a tad off topic..

Now I feel like the guy that comes into the bar while you're trying to drink away your ex and talks about how great his little hottie is in bed.

DickShackBass · Post by **DickShackBass** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

Or the drummer all fucked up on beans stabs the singer.
Anyone gots some shit like that?

You know our former drummer?

DrumAndDestroy · Post by **DrumAndDestroy** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

DickShackBass wrote:
Or the drummer all fucked up on beans stabs the singer.
Anyone gots some shit like that?
You know our former drummer?

wow 2 mentions of him in one thread!!

he pulled a knife on our bass player a few weeks ago i was told!

DickShackBass · Post by **DickShackBass** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

wow 2 mentions of him in one thread!!

he pulled a knife on our bass player a few weeks ago i was told!

Yeah thats what I heard about him too. Kid has so much talent, I hope he gets it together some day, in spite of it all I still wish him the best.

DirtySanchez · Post by **DirtySanchez** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

DickShackBass wrote:
wow 2 mentions of him in one thread!!

he pulled a knife on our bass player a few weeks ago i was told!
Yeah thats what I heard about him too. Kid has so much talent, I hope he gets it together some day, in spite of it all I still wish him the best.

He's prolly sittin at hope right now reading the internet and plotting our deaths. After his underwear dry; of course.

VENTGtr · Post by **VENTGtr** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

Man, I've been in so many bands with so many people. They split up for all kind
of reasons. Often, it's a scheduling conflict. I my self have been in bands that
I've liked, but because of family or day-job time restraints, etc. haven't been able
to stay with.

People "significant others" can be an issue. My ex-wife was great when we were
playing and she was there, having a great time. But, if she wasn't goin' to be there
or it was a practice night, a pain. Has happened to who knows how many others.

Some friends are still trying to find a replacement bass player because the week
after he got married, his new wife, who was all about him playing and coming to
shows, said "I think it's time you start staying home". The freakin' kicker is HE
DID! Good GOD. NEVER. When you have a family, ya, there are commitments
and sacrifices and my crazy little family is the most important thing in the world
to me, but when it's just an issue of someone else DECIDING that what you've
wanted to do your whole life, and put countless amounts of time into...for no real
reason...that person becomes and "Ex".

Personality conflicts can lend to things goin' awry as well. One band that was
really good, and did very well all had one personality conflict (Theeeeeee singer).
I left it after a while because I was close to killing him on several opportunities and
it just got so it wasn't any fun (There were other factors, but the singer headache
was the deal-breaker). Actually, there were many times when I'd have guys come
up to me during breaks and say they were goin' to beat up "my singer". I'd tell them
to go right ahead but they had to wait until after we were done. Ya, he was that cool.
The other guys didn't like him any more than I did but would never say anything to
him.

I'd second what Rob said about us, now. I REALLY love being in this band. After
a lot of personnel turnaround for various reasons, issues with guys who were good
and who I like, doin' too much of the drink, etc. things couldn't be much better now.
I can honestly say this is probably the happiest I've ever been with a band. They're
great players, pros all around, cool to hang out with, and are pretty laid back about
doin' whatever (Though I FINALLY got Jason to grimace at a song suggestion... I'll
keep it to myself though).

About to embark a new batch of original stuff and I'm really looking forward to what
everyone brings to that process.

At this point in life, I figure this'll be the last "serious", playing-out-fairly-often band I'll
be in and I hope it last a long time. After this, it's jazzy, Diminished/Augmented chord
versions of New Wave tunes from 7-10 with DaveP. Hope to see you there. rOCKIN'!

DickShackBass · Post by **DickShackBass** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

DickShackBass wrote:
Quote:
wow 2 mentions of him in one thread!!

he pulled a knife on our bass player a few weeks ago i was told!

Yeah thats what I heard about him too. Kid has so much talent, I hope he gets it together some day, in spite of it all I still wish him the best.

He's prolly sittin at hope right now reading the internet and plotting our deaths. After his underwear dry; of course.

No doubt. For about 2 months I was actually afraid that I was going to run into him somewhere and that he would do something. Hes not stable.

I know an incredible guitarist, the guy is AMAZING and played in several bands around here, one of them being very well known, who as soon as he got married he put down his guitar and never played in a band again. The wife was all into him being in a band when she was a girlfriend, but for some reason as soon as they said "I do" she didnt want him doing it and he obliged. He is absolutely amazing on the guitar. I can't imagine having that kind of talent and not using it. Wish some of his talent would rub off on me seeing as how he's not using it!

edit to say that I clearly have no idea how to use the quote function on here correctly. Oh well.

VENTGtr · Post by **VENTGtr** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

Ya, there's a drummer from over Clearfield-way. Won't say his name, although he jokes
about it, and Calv, Mr. Kane, Dunk, and a bunch of others on here know exactly who.
Used to meet a girl at a show, they'd start goin' out, then she'd want to stop playin'
AND, he would...then she'd dump him. Was a common occurrence.

The REALLY unfortunate thing is that now he's with someone who is really cool with it
all, but his back is too messed up to play (No it's not Brian o' Plush.).

JackANSI · Post by **JackANSI** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

VENTGtr wrote:At this point in life, I figure this'll be the last "serious", playing-out-fairly-often band I'll
be in and I hope it last a long time. After this, it's jazzy, Diminished/Augmented chord
versions of New Wave tunes from 7-10 with DaveP. Hope to see you there. rOCKIN'!

I'm pretty sure thats the path I'm on too.. Although it'll probably end with a ska band that rehearses 2 times a week for 'all those big gigs that we're going to land once we record a demo'...

And 'the chaplain' has completed the 'fretlessizing' of the 6-string. What an amazing job he did. I can't even tell if it had frets before...

Bo Duke · Post by **Bo Duke** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

Well, I've never had a bad breakup with any band that I was in luckily. It was mostly conflict of schedules, and some relocation issues as some have stated. I'll tell you though I have heard some nightmarish stories about other bands. I would never wish to be in a situation like that.

EyesOfAnguishbassist · Post by **EyesOfAnguishbassist** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

metalchurch wrote:I wanna hear about people's wives having sex with the guitar player and shit like that.

Or the drummer all fucked up on beans stabs the singer.
Anyone gots some shit like that?

The first singer for Eyes of Anguish is in jail for attempted first degree murder the whole way in the state of Washington...

...other than that, mostly some douche who is stuck up his womans ass or decides they wanna bitch about how the band needs to do all this shit and then expects everyone else to pay for it. If you don't have money and wanna be a bum thats fine, don't get me wrong. But at least dont throw a fit if we dont wanna spend 500$ every 2 months to record new shit.

bassist_25 · Post by **bassist_25** » Thursday Jul 10, 2008

I make it clear anytime I'm involved with anyone that my priorities go...

1. "Day Gig" Career
2. Music
3. Her

So far, only one girlfriend has tried to sort of challenge the hierarchy with number one. Needless to say, I'm not with her anymore but I'm starting grad school in a month and a half. Then again, I don't really like being told what to do, so maybe that has a lot to do with it too. I can't even fathom giving up music for any woman. My philosophy has always been that music's been there long before you, and music is going to be there long after you're gone. Imagine music being a chick as hot as Cindy Crawford and Daisy Fuentes and loves to have threesomes with me and Anna Kornucopia...now amplify that x10. That's what a girl is going to have to compete against.

I like Dave and Rob's ideas of "retiring" to XTC-sounding bands and ska bands. My retirement from hard gigging plan is to start my own independent label and get into producing.

...hope labels aren't obselete by then. LOL

VENTGtr · Post by **VENTGtr** » Friday Jul 11, 2008

bassist_25 wrote:
I like Dave and Rob's ideas of "retiring" to XTC-sounding bands and ska bands.

Nice to have a long-term retirement plan. Just hopin' not to have to implement
for a long time.