Hollywood Squares

J Michaels · Post by **J Michaels** » Friday Jul 04, 2008

Going thru some old emails I came across this and figured I ought to share....

If you are old enough to remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes.

These questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

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Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

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Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

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Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

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Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake .

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Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

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Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

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Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

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Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment .

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Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

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Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

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Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weave r: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

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Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

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Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

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Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A.. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

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Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

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Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

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Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

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Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

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Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

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Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his cockholster.

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Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A.. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

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Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

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Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

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Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you
should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

HurricaneBob · Post by **HurricaneBob** » Friday Jul 04, 2008

ROFL! Loved that show!

Plastered Bastards · Post by **Plastered Bastards** » Friday Jul 04, 2008

That show was classic,I remember watching that when I was a little chitlin'

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Friday Jul 04, 2008

Awesome! Those comics were popular for a reason... that was comedy on a very high level. The jokes were extremely well-written.
I realize that the jokes were written ahead of time, if not the actual answers (it wouldn't affect the game... the player had the choice to agree or disagree, every answer had a 50% chance of being correct). Great show, the Whoopi Goldberg version sucked balls in comparison.--->JMS

Bo Duke · Post by **Bo Duke** » Friday Jul 04, 2008

That was a great show for sure! I remember watching that when it was on air. Those were some funny replies there, JMichaels! I was laughing so hard. I really like one liners and a dry sense of humor.