The token drunk magnet

[Slothkill]

I seem to be a magnet for drunk ( falling over, couldn't lick their way out of a chocolate bar) drunk. When we go to break or even try to leave the bar. This dude will just not quit. I'm nice throughout the whole affair. I have tried everything short of mace and a mange covered lesbian pitbull. I'm sure you have all met this person. I would love to hear the story and how you keep em at a distance.

[rickw]

Hmmm, well, the cast iron base of a microphone stand did the trick on one occassion! Now, he was a nasty drunk. Friendly drunks are different, they'll buy ya BEER!

[Imgrimm01]

Yes these guys are the shit huh? Thet always have a band , they usually wanna sit in and also it's been my experience they smell bad , No shit they really do like rotten teeth or cheese or something. What I usually do is get them real hyped and then move over near Kent and in a loud excited voice say " Hey Kent meet my pal ( Pete ) " ( Kent will get that ) and they instantly attach to him and then I skate away clean. If this doesn't work try acting like a TOTAL MADMAN !!

[April]

I am a freak magnet. I swear I must have "FREAKS COME HITHER" tattooed on my forehead. I have lesbians licking the stage, a prostitute, and a transvestite on my long list of freakish encounters. If there is a weirdo in the crowd, he/she will find me. even when i'm not singing. I don't understand how they find me.

[facingwest]

We have a guy like that at one of our gigs and I'm to the point I'm going to ask the establishment to have him removed. He gets wasted and thinks that every woman in the place wants him. If you'd take a poll, you'd find out that his odds are 100 to 0 that he's NOT going to score. When you finally start establishing a small crowd in a place, you don't need people like him to start turning them away.

[esa]

Yeah...I got one pawned off on me last night. "Wah..when thesesh boys learn to p..play muzzik, then I will learn toooo walks straighchs." (straight)

I know... I've had transvest's, drujnkds, highers, etc all hitting on me or giving me "expertise" in how they should sound or how to take pictures.

I refer to this as the zook theory. If there's an undesirable person in the area, they will zook up close and with the quickness.

And I agree J. They seem to be a very nice person whey they are sober, but after a while it's not fun to sit and listen... Plus, I'm afraid one of these times they aren't going to have a ride home (wirh desig driver) and will grab the keys to their car...

[ImAGrimmette]

Yes Bob... us Grimmettes will always be grateful for the "A-Team" Guy introduction at Summer Rockfest!!!! And your quick exit... we had a new friend for the rest of the day. Hmmm.... I think you still owe us for that one....

[songsmith]

At the old Hill Valley Hotel (many of you know that the HVH is the site of MANY stories about freaks, violence, stupidity, illicit substances, crime, and general perversion!) in about '86 or so, my old band Thin Ice was playing one of our many shows when the guitarist pulled me aside during a song. " That chick in the motorcyle leather... she's pretty into you," he said, barely containing his laughter, "don't be obvious, but watch what she's doing." Well, I did watch, never looking directly at her. Every few songs, as she sat alone at a table at he back, she would take a small bottle from her jacket pocket, unscrew the lid, and snort deeply from it. I assume it was either crank or rush (amyl nitrate) which was still very popular then. Then she'd put the vial away, and and then... um... masturbate. No kidding. She had spandex on, and put her hand "in the zone" and play Dixie on that thing for a minute or two then stop. Look around. Nobody watching (okay I'M totally watching). Jacket pocket. SNNORRT! Diddly-diddly-diddly. I should point out at this point that while I have no problem whatsoever watching a hottie tickle the taco, alas, she was ugly as mud, and this would likely be the only sex she got that night. I know that's mean, but ladies, would YOU do this?
Anyway, by the time she finished up, she was throwing her head back, and appeared to be stirring cake batter, by the way she was moving her hand, then BOO-YAH, off come the cookies. Me and Scotty are peeing our leopard skin pants at this point. She's still in the afterglow as we finish the set, all red-faced and smiling because by this time she knows we're watching. She figures the show helped her cause, and she starts making her way up to the stage. I start making my way anywhere but near her... as pervy as I admit to being, the whole scene was funny, but not sexy. I had a "girlfriend" too (that term was always used rather loosely at the HVH.) The tippy-tap chick went on to totally stalk me for a few weeks after that, and I remember she eventually went to jail (drug charges), so she left me alone.
That would have been a much different ending if only she was even slightly attractive, but this is old Johnny we're talking about. It wouldn't be me if there wasn't some sort of insanity, criminal intent or personality disorder involved. On the plus side, the gurmy types don't bother me much after that.-------->JM-uh-uh-uh-yeSSSSS

[JayBird]

If you're reading this and have played the Johnstown area...one word - DIO! You all know who he is and this guys is like a hemroid...always on your ass. You can't really pin point how or when he got there, but getting rid of him is a real bugger. Typically he gets kicked out of the bar, not once, not twice - too many fingers to count.

He's harmless though, weighs about 135 pounds, stands about 6'2", and likes to hitch rides with people after he gets kicked out of the bar.

If you see this guy, sit back and laugh!

[Victor Synn]

Oh yeah....I've met quite a few annoying drunks in my year and a half in the scene. Typically, I tend to stand there and allow them to spew forth whatever "Wisdom" they have to give me, then make a convenient excuse (Anyone ever use the "I got some ladies that want my attention" method? That always works for me.). The ones I came in contact with are the same ones Bob seems to have been in contact with. The ones that think they know what's best for your band before you do. I tend to only give those types no more than 10 seconds to tell me what they want and if they don't get it out by then, I make my excuse and go. However, if I know the person and know he's a musician from the area, I take what they give me as constructive criticism, regardless of their current state. I'm talking the ones who typically say "Yeah, I used to be in a band 10 years ago." My band also devised a subtle hand gesture to alert anyone in the know that we can't escape the "conversation." Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't, but it's another way we've tried to handle these types of people. One word of advice on gestures...make sure all your bandmates know the gesture you use beforehand. I had my drummer stand 3 feet from me while I gestured him to save me from a drunk and he looked at me for a fast second, then turned and walked off.

[Banned]

I had my drummer stand 3 feet from me while I gestured him to save me from a drunk and he looked at me for a fast second, then turned and walked off.

He would have helped you, but there were some ladies that needed his attention.

[DMFJ03]

I think Esa said this, but I'll say it again. This past weekend, some guys was trying to talk to me and he told me "When you learn how to play this song (Linkin Park - Numb), I'll learn how to walk straight." All I do in that situation is smile and nod and give the occasional fake laugh. Our singer asked what was up and I pushed the drunk onto him and walked away. I suppose he then passed him on to Esa because I looked back and she was stuck with him. Ha!

Love ya, babe.

[Imgrimm01]

Well if I were drunk and had to be pushed onto someone , Lemme' tell ya a guy could do much worse than esa , I would gladly be pushed off on her any ole' time... Of coarse I mean that in the MOST respectful way.

[esa]

::giggles:: Thanks guys. I think that means I get the "Token Drunk Magnet of the Year" award.