Terrible Advice

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Post by Banned »

That all depends upon if the woodchuck is in a union.

Tighty whities or boxers?
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DirtySanchez
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Post by DirtySanchez »

Doesn't matter. Just remember: yellow in the front, brown in the back.

What is the best thing to say to a cop when trying to get out of a ticket?
"You are now either a clueless inbred brownshirt Teabagger, or a babykilling hippie Marxist on welfare."-Songsmith
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Jim Price
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Post by Jim Price »

"Do you know who I am?"

Q - What happens if I push this button?
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HurricaneBob
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Post by HurricaneBob »

Q - What happens if I push this button?
A ~ It starts moving cows down the slaughter line

When should i change my oil?
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Bag
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Post by Bag »

Not neccesary to change your oil at all. The advancements in petroleum makes it un-neccesary!

Are 10 dollar whores worth it?
You don't shoot a man in the dick!
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Dragan Kalasa
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Post by Dragan Kalasa »

A: No...but I'll do it for $7.50.

Q: (This is a legit question, so don't kick me off. I'm not a hater.) If a lesbian is a gay woman, what is a gay man called?
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Jim Price
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Post by Jim Price »

A: Happy.

Q: How do you cure an alcoholic?
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Trucula
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Post by Trucula »

Q: How do you cure an alcoholic?

A; hang him in a smokehouse covered in curing salt


Q: What's brown, yellow and flies?
Last edited by Trucula on Thursday Apr 17, 2008, edited 1 time in total.
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Dragan Kalasa
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Post by Dragan Kalasa »

A: A UPS driver running late from one of Bag's 10 dollar whore's golden shower shows. Told ya it wasn't worth it Bag.

Q: What drives you insane, but is back to take you home?
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Killjingle
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Post by Killjingle »

state police.

Why should I bother tuning my guitar?
Everyone wants to go to heaven but noone wants to die
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KyleMayket
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Post by KyleMayket »

Why should I bother tuning my guitar?


We've already covered this, you shouldn't, it's a waste of time, no one will notice.


how do we cure this oil crisis?
If I ever see an amputee getting hanged... I'm just gonna start yelling out letters...
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Killjingle
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Post by Killjingle »

invade North Korea.



If you were forced to pick one to boink, would it be Hilary or Chesea?
Everyone wants to go to heaven but noone wants to die
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Post by Banned »

Come on, the mother - daughter combo is always preferred.

If you had to eat just one, Daffy or Donald?
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duck

Post by Banned »

undercoverjoe wrote: If you had to eat just one, Daffy or Donald?
Daisy.

Any advice on how to get sperm stains out of a Nun's Habit?
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DirtySanchez
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Post by DirtySanchez »

Easy. Rub peanut butter on it and let the dog lick it off.


How long is the wait to get into hell?
"You are now either a clueless inbred brownshirt Teabagger, or a babykilling hippie Marxist on welfare."-Songsmith
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KyleMayket
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Post by KyleMayket »

Any advice on how to get sperm stains out of a Nun's Habit?


Easy, 2 options. first off prevent it by blowing it inside of her, but if it already happened, easy fix. Light her on fire.


How do I prevent my contacts from popping out at certain times?
If I ever see an amputee getting hanged... I'm just gonna start yelling out letters...
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KyleMayket
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Post by KyleMayket »

sorry sanchez, i skipped you...


How long is the wait to get into hell?

no worries, there's an express lane for folks like us.
If I ever see an amputee getting hanged... I'm just gonna start yelling out letters...
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DirtySanchez
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Post by DirtySanchez »

KyleMayket wrote:

How do I prevent my contacts from popping out at certain times?

SuperGlue.


If Billy Joel and his buddies didn't start the fire, who did?
"You are now either a clueless inbred brownshirt Teabagger, or a babykilling hippie Marxist on welfare."-Songsmith
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KyleMayket
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Post by KyleMayket »

If Billy Joel and his buddies didn't start the fire, who did?


A mishap involving a nun who had semen stains on her habit...



How can i write better songs?
If I ever see an amputee getting hanged... I'm just gonna start yelling out letters...
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bassist_25
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Post by bassist_25 »

KyleMayket wrote:
How can i write better songs?
A: Don't worry about writing songs. Just let Lou Pearlman take care of your musical career.

Q: I got an email today from somebody from Venezuela saying that he needs to despoit $500,000 in an American account. If I allow him to use my checking account, I can keep 65% of what he deposits. I'm thinking of purchasing a new car with the money I get to keep. What make and model do you think I should get?
"He's the electric horseman, you better back off!" - old sKool making a reference to the culturally relevant 1979 film.
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Merge
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Post by Merge »

bassist_25 wrote: Q: I got an email today from somebody from Venezuela saying that he needs to despoit $500,000 in an American account. If I allow him to use my checking account, I can keep 65% of what he deposits. I'm thinking of purchasing a new car with the money I get to keep. What make and model do you think I should get?
Get yourself a Yugo. The trade in value is amazing.

What Skynard song should my band cover?? No one plays their music anymore.
Pour me another one, cause I'll never find the silver lining in this cloud.
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Post by Banned »

"We'll All Live Forever" one of those songs that never made it on an album.

I like spring, but hate mowing the lawn. What to do?
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Merge
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Post by Merge »

Pave over your entire yard. It'll be one big driveway.

I have a $1500 to spend on new guitar. What Peavey model should I get??
Pour me another one, cause I'll never find the silver lining in this cloud.
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DMFJ03
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Post by DMFJ03 »

A: Don't waste your time...we all know First Act is the best guitar out there.

Q: I wanted to go and hang out with BadDazeRob, but I got side tracked by a can of beans. How should I appologize for missing our "date"?
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Mistress_DB
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Post by Mistress_DB »

offer him a blow job.

what's the quickest way to kill weeds in the garden?
The person below me enjoys a good spanking.
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