Critiques by "Grimey the lad"

tornandfrayed · Post by **tornandfrayed** » Sunday May 09, 2004

If you want your song critiqued by our resident pre school rhyme expert "Grimey the Lad" post them here.

Grimey is an expert at the art of melodic meandering and also a co-author of "My school is big and I'm afraid"

He will be more then pleased to critique anything that you post here. Be fore-warned though that if it isn't "The Pina Colada Song" by Rupert Holmes then it probably is not very good.

I will be first to take the plunge;

Here is a song called

"Song # 2"

I can’t believe that I will never see your face again
I can’t imagine how I’ll ever walk outside
I can’t remember if I loved you or just felt your shame
I only swallow when I think of what’s inside

Well I bless the flower
That I left upon your grave
And I pray to the Power
That my fucking soul will be saved

I don’t believe that I will ever know your touch again
I don’t pretend to see the things you want me to
I don’t remember if I loved or despised your vision
I only swallow when I know you want me too

Well I bless the flower
That I left upon your grave
And I pray to the Power
That my fucking soul will be saved

I won’t exhale as I lie empty with the world around me
I won’t exclaim if I see angels in my view
I won’t be shallow as we wallow in our own excretion
I only swallow when my father tells me to

Well I bless the flower
That I left upon your grave
And I pray to the Power
That my fucking soul will be saved

I included the repeated chorus so that I would not be accused of not knowing "Structure". I Love this song because the title has nothing to do with the content! Pre review just so you know this was written about the naivety of America being lost.

Go Go Grimey!

PS. The attitudes and thoughts expressed by "Grimey the Lad" are not the same as any one else's.

tornandfrayed · Post by **tornandfrayed** » Monday May 10, 2004

Oh well, I gave him a shot. Cest La Vie!

esa · Post by **esa** » Tuesday May 11, 2004

He's Intimidated?

HurricaneBob · Post by **HurricaneBob** » Tuesday May 11, 2004

Nope he's banned!

esa · Post by **esa** » Tuesday May 11, 2004

Sweet! Again?!? When did this happen!?! How did I miss it?!?

MOONDOGGY · Post by **MOONDOGGY** » Tuesday May 11, 2004

Although the banning of Grimey lacked STRUCTURE and overall QUALITY, it was however pleasing to know that he wont respond again until another lyrics thread is posted. Rock on musicians and singers who care about more than just lyrics.

Grimey = Simon Cowell?

Also, did he ever say that he could sing? If all that he can do is critique lyrics and not sing them, then he should be hunted down and handed over to a hoard of butt-pirates.

DMFJ03 · Post by **DMFJ03** » Tuesday May 11, 2004

I say we just find a strong tree and get some rope. ::Shurgs:: I'm not hard to get along with.