Van Halen and the Republican Party?

[J Michaels]

Apparently the band The Supersuckers sent the following analogy out to their listserv:


That's right, it's down to the nitty gritty. I know that many of you think that my emails should consist strictly of liquor, women, drugs and killing, rock-n-roll, outlaw country and the occasional joke or two and to you, I apologize. Feel free to bury your head in the sand once more and delete this missive now because I am here to use my (very nominal) influence to tell our fans to please get out and vote for a change this Tuesday.

To my republican friends (and I hope you are still my friends if you've made it this far into my email) I have this rock-n-roll analogy for you:

Let's say that the Republican Party is Van Halen and (for the sake of argument we will time travel quite a bit) Abraham Lincoln is the David Lee Roth of Republicans. An ass kicking, slave freeing, minimize-the-government-in-our-lives bad ass. The glory years.

Then let's say that Sammy Hagar is the Ronald Regan character, he totally lost the die-hard but for some reason Van Halen had never been more popular. Hit after hit. The Van Halen machine makes more money than anyone thought possible!

Next, sadly, it's time to enter that guy from Extreme, Gary Cherone. Here is our G.W. Bush. Even the most dyed-in-the-wool Van Halen fans have to admit, this was one bad idea, it didn't work and, thankfully we only had to put up with one record from this version of the Republican Par..., uh, I mean... Van Halen. Gary made Van Halen so bad that Sammy Hagar returning actually seems to be a GOOD idea!

So there you go, even Republicans have to admit that G.W. has totally "Gary Cheroned" this Presidency, don't you think? I thought this would help clear things up for you. Now get out there and buy one of those
"Republicans For Kerry" stickers and help us make this change. Sure Kerry's no Diamond Dave either, but who is anymore? It's not like Van Halen's gonna ask ME to sing for 'em...

Vote. Please.

Eddie "One more week until I can stop being obsessed with this election" Spaghetti.

[byndrsn]

Yeah, okay, I can play along with your anaology. So, what you are saying is that Van Halen is searching for the new singer to replace Cherone - but - oh wait a second - Sammy can't return!!! Now what?

Oh yeah, lets replace Cherone with William Hung (in other words John Kerry). THAT would have to be better!!! Right??

wtf

[bfoust]

well that just made me dumber.

[Punkinhead]

well that just made me dumber.

lmao

[lonewolf]

Now get out there and buy one of those
"Republicans For Kerry" stickers and help us make this change.

That sounds like a good idea. How many of those did they make? Three or four? Something that rare should be a collector's item someday.

[lonewolf]

Sorry, I don't buy the analogy. All things considered, Bush has not done badly. If this was the roaring 90s (or was it the gay 90s?), I'd agree that his results would be bad. I've got some bad news for you Sunshine, these ain't the 90s and we no longer have the luxury of being naive or passive. On 9/20/01, the president made a speech warning all countries of the world:

Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. From this day forward, any nation that continues to harbor or support terrorism will be regarded by the United States as a hostile regime.

No Kerry supporter has explained how Bush's economic policies resulted in anything but the prevention of an all out depression.

No Kerry supporter has explained why attacking countries that sponser and export terrorism is not the way to wage a war on terrorism.

No Kerry supporter has explained why they naively think that the capture of bin Laden is the single most important goal in the war on terror.

No Kerry supporter has explained how the federal government can control healthcare better than the free market and still maintain highest quality.

No Kerry supporter has explained why Kerry opposes limiting trial lawyers' tort on medical liability.

No Kerry supporter has explained why its OK to maul and destroy a fully formed baby a few weeks before its born...

[tornandfrayed]

I say it is not right or OK to "maul an unborn baby two weeks before it is born" I also say that it is alright for an 11 year old female victim of rape to take a pill that prevents her from being put into a life threatening situation.

America prevented an all out depression. The country is no longer dependent. We could have had any member of the Boston Red Sox ( yeah! ) as president and been just as well off.

The Hollidaysurg Junior High School is a mecca for heroin use. Should we attack it? The school system and the parents stick their heads in the "sand" and ignore the problem. Should we attack them? Because something is happening that you do not condone, does it give you the right to attack?

I still naively think that Bin Laden is the one person who is most responsible for the attack on the Twin Towers on 9/11. My belief was only re-enforced when he admitted it to the world. The only others I could think to blame would be the big money people who have supported and protected these people for years. I have never even been to the Bin Ladens for dinner, and they have only been to my house once for a dime bag.

As someone without health care I would settle for something a bit below "the Highest Quality" if I could get it for the Millions of people who go with out. It's like Live music, any live music is better then none.

Lawyers are one of the key problems with our country. Move them all to Saudi Arabia.

I already addressed the "Pro-Choice" "No-Choice" issue.

By the way they made 9 of those "Republicans for Kerry" stickers but the Supreme Court declared them unconstitutional. They will be collectors items!

[lonewolf]

Dave, I agree on just about everything you wrote. I guess that puts us in the boring mainstream. If you look at the record, George Bush's actions (executive decisions) agree with just about everything you wrote. On the other hand, John Kerry's actions (senate votes) blatantly disagree with just about everything you wrote.

Yes, I keep hearing about H-burg high. Its sad and it needs fixed, but it is not terrorism and should not be "attacked" as such. It is a problem that should be attacked by the parents and the school district.

The stock market lost more market capital between 2000-2001 than we had total money in 1992. Bush's massive tax cuts went a long way to help restore some of that capital into the system. As you said, the American people did the rest. It isn't how much an individual receives in tax cuts, its how much goes back into the economy that matters. Now that we are almost back on solid footing, I think its time for congress to bring revenues and spending back in order.

[DMFJ03]

*yawns*

Bitch and moan, bitch and moan, that's all we do is bitch and moan.

[tornandfrayed]

Yeah I know but I am sure that I will see you guys at Peter C's on the 17th for "The Grimm"