Cardio Bunny II

[Banned]

After setting a new gym record on standing calf raises, I decided that a celebration was in order. I told Mitch to round up the crew, because we were going hunting for cardio bunnies. Mitch called up our other training partner, Mongo. Mongo is a 6'8" 305 lb. bodybuilding monster. To give you an idea, he takes in 5000 cals while cutting, and has an IV stuck into his arm with protein flowing in at all times to avoid going catabolic.

We headed out to the club, all dressed to the nines. Mitch in sweatpants, a PROLAB t-shirt, and of course his trusty crowbar. Mongo was wearing leather pants, a white beater, with his lifting belt around his waist. I decided to try some peacocking, and wore a pink beater, complimented by a pink top hat and pink Chuck Taylor shoes.

We ran into a little trouble at the door, when the bouncer told us we weren't properly dressed for the establishment. Mongo stepped up to the plate. Bumping into him, Mongo screamed, "You sure about that?" The bouncer, terrified, changed his mind but asked for the $20 cover charge.

"Cover charge? Just be lucky you're still alive, punk. We're not paying a cover charge." Mitch and I walked in, lats flaring, while Mongo entered the side door (Too big to fit through the front door).

We scoped out the situation, and it looked pretty grim. A club packed with AFC's and a bunch of HB8's and HB9's. I shook my head. As you know, I only pork HB10's.

A few minutes later, a group of HB8.5's approached us.

HB8.5: Hi...Ummm... We heard you guys were alpha males and we wanted to know if we could hang out with you tonight?

I fought off the urge to vomit (HB8.5's... gross!) and replied, "You know, you've got a lot of nerve coming over here. Don't you think I'm a little out of your league, cupcake? Now get out of here, you're threatening my alpha status."

I was getting impatient.

"Mongo, find me a HB10 NOW!" I snarled at him. Mongo took out his binoculars and scanned the crowd.

Mongo: I see a HB10 cardio bunny at the bar, drinking a martini.
Me: Any bodybuilder activity in the area?
Mongo: I dont see any... Just an ectomorph.
Me: I'm going in.

I lat flared it over to this broac, and first approached the ectomorph hitting on her. He was wearing a Jose's Surf Shop T-shirt.

Me: End of the road, AFC. Step aside and let me handle this cardio bunny.
AFC: Get lost.

Normally, I would have stomped him into the ground, but with Mongo in the club I felt it unneccessary.

Me: <Grabbing the AFC by the throat> Look, you fuckin' ecto, you better get the fuck out of here before we have a problem. See that guy over there, that's a 6'8" 305 lb. bodybuilder. If you don't leave this club now, and never come back, the cops are gonna have to call the boys down at Jose's Surf Shop to ID your body.

The AFC ran away screaming and I moved in on the cardio bunny.

Me: Your lucky day, baby. You get to spend the evening with 'The Doc'. Want to feel my pythons?
CB: What do you think I am, some cheap slut just looking to get laid? I'm better than that.
Me: Oh I get it. You look at me and all you see is shredded quads, 18 inch pythons, and abs you could do laundry on. I'm more than a piece of meat here.

I turned around to leave.

CB: I'm sorry, did you say 18 inch pythons? My name's Isabelle.
Me: Doctor Swole, friends call me, Wooburger.
CB: Oh, a doctor? What kind?
Me: A uhhh... Gynocologist.
CB: Really? How did you get into that?
Me: Well, I guess you can say I just love pussy.

Mitch approached me with a look of concern on his face.

Mitch: Mongo's IV is out of whey. We need to get him some protein before he goes catabolic and gets into a rage.
Me: Fuck. How long do we have?
Mitch: 15, 20 minutes tops.
CB: Do you have to go? Well here's my phone number, why don't you call me sometime and we can go to a museum or something.

I looked at her phone number in disgust.

Me: Look cupcake, I'm going on a gynocologist exposition in the Phillipines for the next year. Tonight may be our last night together. We should make the most of it.
CB: If you say so, Doc.

I took her out to my BMW and we started going at it. I hit it doggystyle and finished off by giving her a pearl necklace (The only jewelry I'll ever buy for a woman).

I lit up a joint and closed my eyes. Mitch and Mongo approached the BMW.

"We gotta go now, Woof, Mongo's going to get catabolic." I told the cardio bunny to leave the car.

"I had a great time, Doc. My gynocologist never treated me like that." Mitch and Mongo roared with laughter.

"He's no gynocologist. This is Woofburger, one of the most notorious Alpha Males on the planet!" Cardio bunny had a look of denial on her face.

CB: Tell me that's not true! Are you even a real doctor?
Me: <Taking a puff of the joint> I'm no doctor... But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Mitch and Mongo roared with laughter. I stepped on the gas and accelerated away from the cardio bunny. She coughed when inhaling my exhaust fumes, and by the time she stopped I had turned the corner. I wondered if she had seen my ALPHA1 license plate, but it's inconsequential. I'll never see her again. My speedometer hit 95 as I raced to Mongo's for whey shakes all around.

Mitch: Going a little fast, Woof?
Me: <Taking a drag from the joint> Those protein shakes aren't going to mix themselves.

[no surrender]

"Cover charge? Just be lucky you're still alive, punk. We're not paying a cover charge." Mitch and I walked in, lats flaring, while Mongo entered the side door (Too big to fit through the front door).

ROFL!! GEEZUZ THATS FUNNY!! WAHAHAAA!! CAN I PARTY WIT YOU DUDES?

WOOFf, Mitch., MONGo .. TRIPLE THREAT! LOL I LUV YOU DUDES! YOU RULE!!