Jokes

[YankeeRose]

Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?   
A. A cherry float.

  
Q. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A. Beat it - we're closed.

 
Q. Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?   
A. To find a tight seal.

  
Q. Incontinence Hotline:
A. Can you hold, please?
  

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?   
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.   


Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?   
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.   


Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.   


Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.


Q. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A. She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"


Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A. K9P.
  

Q. What's another name for pickled bread?   
A. Dill-dough   


Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?   
A. He heard the snowblower coming.


WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?       
Because they are plugged into a genius.   


WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?       
They don't have enough time.    


WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?       
They don't stop to ask directions.
    

WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?       
Because their balls fall over their butts and they vapor lock.  


WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?       
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties.


WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.

    
HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?       
Don't know.....it never happened.

    
WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? Because a vibrator/dildo can't mow the lawn, change the oil, etc.  

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  MOOD RING
My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day, so he would be able to monitor my "attitude".   When I'm in a good mood it turns green.   When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a BIG red mark on his forehead.   Maybe next time he'll buy me a Diamond?
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